tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35115924347633539002024-03-19T00:38:28.077-07:00The last man standingLife through the eyes of a growing Christian choosing God's word over everything else.Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-60079853143747085702022-06-10T02:27:00.000-07:002022-06-10T02:27:29.504-07:00The waiting room<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmRfBir63CQ8cxsMKb_sq7yni_1oYWB0zH4_o4CuK4fb3qJfRbqThWQMEy4oJEcWAtGCZDsIM-W9K34pxHIpBJO35jJAPDaLpc5MW7sclkTZdyhM6A-H-ZD30jhXh1UKWazN5qB7A9qrGH-32Bne27l59DYQgmJMCmrmHI8Fk9wLzWeA8lSMJiP1KxAg/s5867/greg-rosenke-1ebbokV07KE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5867" data-original-width="3911" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmRfBir63CQ8cxsMKb_sq7yni_1oYWB0zH4_o4CuK4fb3qJfRbqThWQMEy4oJEcWAtGCZDsIM-W9K34pxHIpBJO35jJAPDaLpc5MW7sclkTZdyhM6A-H-ZD30jhXh1UKWazN5qB7A9qrGH-32Bne27l59DYQgmJMCmrmHI8Fk9wLzWeA8lSMJiP1KxAg/w426-h640/greg-rosenke-1ebbokV07KE-unsplash.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It went down like hot eba with slippery ogbono soup.</span><p></p><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Quick, fast, fleeting, barely leaving any taste in the
mouth;</span>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Just the brief memory that something had slid in and
gone down quick as lightening.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It should have done the work it was meant to do, but it
didn’t.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">And she didn’t understand it. She didn’t understand
how something that was meant to be quick and powerful turned weak and feeble inside
her.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She willed it to life. Manifested it into being. Held
the image of it in her mind’s eye until she felt the eye of her mind turn red
from not blinking.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She was exhausted. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It was supposed to work. They promised her it would. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She was only meant to believe they said, and it would
happen. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She believed. She really did.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She felt her sinews and joints coursing with the
belief, she really did.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">But still, she felt deflated too, as if the course of
belief stopped shy of inflating her flesh with its presence.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She was exhausted.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">***************************</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Someone should have told her that believing was only
the key.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It opened the door to the waiting room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">In the waiting room, everything became fodder for the
eye. It was part of the time you waited until your name was called and you
could be ushered into the presence.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The waiting room. No one talks about the waiting room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It is the place where time stops, and everyone is
moving around attending to everything except you.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">No one told her about the gnawing feeling of
impatience that would be a steady hum at the back of her mind as she watched
the activity in the waiting room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Everyone was being ushered into the waiting room
except her. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She felt like the forgotten child.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It was here, in the waiting room that she tried to
will things to happen.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“Call my name.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“Remember me.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“I’m here”.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“I have been waiting”. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“what about me”?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Just, different methods of trying to make herself seen
until she gave up and huddled into her seat.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It was then her eyes wandered around the room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">They crossed over the posters, the pictures, the
paintings, the details of everything in the room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Over and over again her eyes wandered around the room
until she knew by heart which painting would follow, which poster, what it
said, what it meant. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She was lost in this when she heard her name being
called.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It was time.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">*********************</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">No one tells you about the waiting room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">They talk about the presence but not the waiting room.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The place where the noise inside you must stumble to a
halt of silence.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The place where you will have to go over memories that
put up walls between you and the presence and where you will have to take those
walls down one by one.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The place where it feels like everyone is getting
answers except you.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">No one talks about the waiting room. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The place of crushing, of breaking.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The place where you come with pride and settle down
patiently because your timeline means nothing in the face of the eternal action
going on around you.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The place where feelings that they say Christians are
not supposed to feel spring up and we are confronted with our images in the
clean sharp surface of the waiting room windows.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">No one talks about the waiting room. But we should,
shouldn’t we?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We all should. We all should talk about the
impatience, the anger, the sorrow, the rejection, the pain, the hollowness, the
rage, the bitterness, the resignation, the acceptance, the rejoicing, the
trusting…just, the emotions that come with the waiting.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Because the waiting room is where everything that is
us, gives way to everything that is Him, to everything that is God. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></p>
Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-84901182093797692822022-04-21T03:55:00.001-07:002022-04-21T04:03:17.597-07:00The issue of abuse in the church: When the healer refuses to heal<div style="text-align: justify;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--></span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidkVFur0L1ZF93c0f7nN67EyhxOSjFRSDw_72qZ6O7J1vDQ7H-htOcXBpKg7gzIWZROZceTQThIL83-5dMduZ8zE952fqc9M2ynAAW708Ne7pzboCMHTGfDN0EPLhHwSMVghuONmCVqvbUhejLU4vGuP1Lgs7CTH6cPfoXWwIiX-4fmROuSt0mw-iDNw/s4236/Fear.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3240" data-original-width="4236" height="490" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidkVFur0L1ZF93c0f7nN67EyhxOSjFRSDw_72qZ6O7J1vDQ7H-htOcXBpKg7gzIWZROZceTQThIL83-5dMduZ8zE952fqc9M2ynAAW708Ne7pzboCMHTGfDN0EPLhHwSMVghuONmCVqvbUhejLU4vGuP1Lgs7CTH6cPfoXWwIiX-4fmROuSt0mw-iDNw/w640-h490/Fear.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@melwasser?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Melanie Wasser</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span>
</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />To the abused: </span></span></b></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">You know how they say it takes great strength to
leave an abusive relationship?</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">I think it takes great fear to stay in an abusive
relationship.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">Fear is the currency abusers trade with, the misappropriation
of the power they have in a relationship.</span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"> Because at the end of the day, that is what abuse
is.</span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">It is the misappropriation of power.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">For men who name themselves Christians and abuse
the women in their lives, the power given to you is one that is meant to be
gentled. True power is knowing that you have the ability to destroy everything
but deciding to protect and grow the weak things around you. It is not
identifying weaknesses and using that as a spear to thrust through the side of the
woman you have already pummeled into a shadow of their former selves.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">It is not using the same mouth that is meant to
produce God-life to speak death into the life of the woman with whom you are
meant to reveal God.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">When you abuse your power as a man over your
wife, you are misappropriating the authority Abba gave you and you will account
for it. It is inevitable, because the power was never yours in the first place.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>Dear Church leader, </b></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">You fail the women over and over again.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">The women come to you with their bruised bodies
and broken spirits sometimes not understanding what is going on and sometimes
knowing perfectly what they are mired in…and you fail them.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">You stand in the authority that is given to you
by Abba and you use it to dig graves inside gardens. You do not address the misappropriation
of power when she tells you that he uses his words to contradict what Abba says
about her. You do not address the breaking of the oath when she tells you that
he shares his body with other women and defiles the marriage bed; you do not
address the abuse of power when she tells you that he exerts his strength
against her body, the temple of Abba's presence, the body that is a part of
the church. You do not address the contradiction of the nature and character of
Christ in his body. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">Instead, you tell her to build altars on the
coals of hell fire and to pray to the God whose body is being abused so that he
can arrest the abuser. How do you, church, appropriate the power Abba has given
you? How do you return his power to him and ask him to judge when he has given
you the authority to reveal him to his body? How? No one demonstrates boundaries
more than God himself and yet, you dare to tell God that his boundaries are flawed
with the handling of the abused in his body.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span><span style="font-family: verdana;">You do not reveal the heart of the Father to
the wounded in the times they need it and you wonder why the wounded wonder
away from you. You wonder why they stray into the world looking for someone to
show them a sliver of the Father’s heart. When you fail to judge the matter of
the abuser and abused in a way that reveals Abba’s character, you become an enabler
of broken cisterns and patterns.</span></span></span></span></span> <br /></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></span></span></p></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">If we expect that the contradictions in the
life of a member of the church be addressed, then the body should address the
issue of a member attacking it. Because that is what happens when you refuse to
look the abuser in the eye, single him out and address the inconsistency that
is his actions; you allow an attack on the body. But somewhere at the back of
your mind, covering it with the altar of prayer, placing the woman at the front
of the battle to face the possibility of death, is protecting the image of the
church. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">Abba has not called us to protect his image, he has called us to reveal
him.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">Dear Church,</span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">It is time. The call is to come up
higher, deeper. The call is to reveal him to a world that sees so little of
him. It is time to stop wounding the wounded and heal them.<br /></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span>
</p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-42826630653604957942020-12-26T02:34:00.000-08:002020-12-26T02:34:04.246-08:00Fiction: The Lights<p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB"></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjff_bO41Gd-90DdtLBByggklzbTF0Zxblm7zjvuVMJub8BzFVu77zJEwLB1sjyYLa83XfvukW92QQzDDWsJ0cgR4RsbOHKw6cMbLWa-SHw4FX2yRLg2aG-AHBtyUscb4G4-dD91qCH84OR/s2048/wonderlane-_rmULTYorYQ-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1363" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjff_bO41Gd-90DdtLBByggklzbTF0Zxblm7zjvuVMJub8BzFVu77zJEwLB1sjyYLa83XfvukW92QQzDDWsJ0cgR4RsbOHKw6cMbLWa-SHw4FX2yRLg2aG-AHBtyUscb4G4-dD91qCH84OR/w426-h640/wonderlane-_rmULTYorYQ-unsplash.jpg" width="426" /></a></span></span></div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Eno was only six years old when he saw became
born again and began to see the light.
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">It started out as a beam of colours. One
minute, he was playing with Teni, his best friend from next door and the next
minute, he was knocked off his feet by a burst of light that exploded right
in front of him. When he came to, he saw soft beams of different colours of light surrounding Teni’s face as he stared at him anxiously. He was silent for so
long, not answering Teni’s <i>“What
happened?</i> <i>Can you hear me?,</i> that
Teni ran off to call his mother from the kitchen.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">By the time his mother got to him, the light
was gone so, he thought he had imagined it and forgot about it until it happened
again.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">This time, he was eleven and his father was
sitting astride his mother, slapping her as hard as he usually did. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Eno was cowering behind the mustard coloured
sofa in the living room, whimpering and crying, telling his father to stop,
when the light exploded around him, knocking him against the standing cupboard
behind him. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">The delicate flower vases on the shelves
shuddered from the impact and fell to the ground with a resounding crash.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">It was enough to get his father’s attention.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">His father stopped long enough to glare at him,
his eyes taking in the damage, then he grabbed his car keys in a continued fit
of rage and stormed out of the house.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Eno
watched his mother crawl her way to him as
he sat propped up in shock against the wall. As he stared at her, he saw
the
light again. This time, they were like clouds that enshrouded his mother
like a bodysuit. They were a bright white interspersed with a faint
pink tinge and
made up of what looked like stardust. He should have been afraid, but he
was
more curious. And the shock of being knocked back was just wearing off.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Eno”, his mother whispered, her voice forcing
its way through swollen lips. “Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself”? </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">As she spoke, the light around her turned to a
pulsating red.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Eno did not know how, but at that moment, he
knew that his mother needed to go to the hospital.</span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPam5A4wy9O6-q34yawfs3ch0_jn0LfJNf1LBNeIIzloDQp22r71BKnB93JoZGSjSjqWaSRKnRMq-N9EtuMbcGNn7Qh2-B4efTX8xDGBw7kokgdw-uEGP67z2GH0Asegb9kn4kEN8rLW2P/s2048/heather-m-edwards-1fn6qJQBsWE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1370" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPam5A4wy9O6-q34yawfs3ch0_jn0LfJNf1LBNeIIzloDQp22r71BKnB93JoZGSjSjqWaSRKnRMq-N9EtuMbcGNn7Qh2-B4efTX8xDGBw7kokgdw-uEGP67z2GH0Asegb9kn4kEN8rLW2P/w428-h640/heather-m-edwards-1fn6qJQBsWE-unsplash.jpg" width="428" /></a></span></span></div><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">He shoved himself off the floor and started
yelling for help.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Teni’s mother who had been wringing her hands
in despair since she overheard the fighting next door, rushed down to their
house. she was the one who called and paid for a taxi to take them to the
hospital.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Later, the doctor has said that if she had
arrived a moment sooner, she would have been dead. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">From that moment on, Eno saw the light clouds around
people all the time.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">One time, he was walking back from school and
saw a man trailing Irene, one of his classmates who lived in his neighborhood. She was a quiet sort, the kind who kept to herself and was left well
alone for it. Eno liked to think that they walked home together even though he
always walked behind her, and they never said a word to each other.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">On this day, he saw that something was wrong with the light that enshrouded the young man trailing Irene. It
was a dark grey, the kind of heavy grey that filled rain clouds and it was
getting darker as he walked faster towards Irene.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Suddenly, Eno had a sick feeling in his stomach.
He lurched ahead past the young man and stopped right beside Irene, falling in
step with her.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Irene had looked at him startled, her eyes wide
and questioning.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Eno had smiled at her, and under his breath
said, “walk faster, the man behind wants to hurt you”.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Irene froze for a split second but then began
to match his pace and they fast-walked away. From turning his head sideways, Eno
saw the young man slow down and turn away as soon as they picked up their pace.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">When Eno saw Irene to her doorstep, she had
looked at him with gratitude in her eyes.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Thank you, she said. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">She told him the young man had been pestering
her for some time after coming to buy some things from the shop her mother set
up in front of their house.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I told him I wasn’t interested but he wouldn’t
listen and told me I would regret it”, she said, a faraway look in her eyes.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Without asking, Eno continued to walk Irene to
her doorstep every day after that. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">The only person Eno never saw a light cloud
around was his father. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">He had tried to tell his mother once about the
light clouds, but she had looked at him as if he was suffering from a fever.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“It’s just your imagination baby”, she had said
dismissively.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">The day Eno saw the clouds around his father,
he knew that it was not a good sign.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">The clouds around him were a thick black and
pulsated with a life force that was so revolting, Eno literally heaved.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">His father had been drinking all day; bottle after
bottle and when he drank, he was usually unbearable. But today was different. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">He was muttering under his breath about how his
wife had bewitched him and he had fallen on hard times since he married her. it
was a bright Saturday afternoon and his mother had gone to the market to stock
up on foodstuff.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Moments later, when he heard his mother drive
in, he ran out to meet her.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“Don’t go inside mummy. Please. Daddy is going
to hurt you worse than he usually does”.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">His mother stared at him. </span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“You saw the black light cloud”? she asked.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">Eno’s eye widened, but he nodded.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">She smiled sadly then, ordered him to get in
the car.</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">As they drove away, his mother patted his back.
</span></span></span></p><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB">“I’m sorry, she whispered. "I'm so sorry.</span></span></span></p><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></span></span></p><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><u><b><span lang="EN-GB"> Photo credits</span></b></u></span></span></p><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span><span>Photo 1 by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@wonderlane?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Wonderlane</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/light?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span> <br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span>Photo 2 by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@heathermedwards?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Heather M. Edwards</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/anger?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></span></span></p><p class="yiv5515368443ydp2d562c20MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span><span></span><br /></span> </span></span></span></p>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-29933520007535651242020-05-08T07:10:00.000-07:002020-05-08T07:11:38.740-07:00Dear "single" Mother<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieHKOSBT8k_ChYRymTDrDuUkXXHnwpteEuBBdQIWUIxhNYtPiSsypPjXjEKBe4oFueXkuWZHG49FcKNavylSED_4FuMDPTxRMKCk0uI_AI7ck-brMjRY_c9AHEHCtZNZLhgh_B6YzhVUTg/s1600/sharon-mccutcheon-_L3KpEED4UQ-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieHKOSBT8k_ChYRymTDrDuUkXXHnwpteEuBBdQIWUIxhNYtPiSsypPjXjEKBe4oFueXkuWZHG49FcKNavylSED_4FuMDPTxRMKCk0uI_AI7ck-brMjRY_c9AHEHCtZNZLhgh_B6YzhVUTg/s1600/sharon-mccutcheon-_L3KpEED4UQ-unsplash.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sharonmccutcheon?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Sharon McCutcheon</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/single-mother?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><u style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></span></u></b><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Dear “single” mother,</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I am writing you this letter because I have had the most wonderful revelations of all time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">It is one of those mind-blowing revelations, the type that can never be taken away from you.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I personally felt the nudge to share this revelation with you because it has already begun to change my life and the way I respond to things around me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">You see, a few months ago, I was struggling.</span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I was on the verge of giving up on life and was even considering going back to a place that had broken me and was the source of one of the most painful times of my life. Sometimes, when life charges at you or the enemy tries to trip you up with issues, the kind that makes you buckle under pressure, the kind that gets your legs shaking and your heart quaking, Egypt can look like paradise. It was in these moments I understood the way the children of Israel must have felt when they saw the army of the pharaoh, charging at them from behind and the crashing red sea in front of them with no chance of escape from both ends. </span></span></div>
<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">But then, that is the beauty about life I think, the beauty about reading such marvellous stories like that. I felt the despair they must have felt, the frantic last-minute mental scramble to recall the good times of Egypt because, to be honest, there was nothing else to compare it to. Nothing better than slavery had been their experience and this brief stint at freedom already looked like it was going to end six feet under a watery grave.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">But then, Moses lifted his rod over the sea and, the sea gave way. The sea split into two, creating a clear path through for these people who, moments before had seen their lives ending. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Dear “single” mother.</span></span></div>
<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">How many times have you stood between a raging army from your past and a seemingly insurmountable problem on the path to your future? How many times have felt that despair? The maybes? The doubts? How many times have you asked God if you made the right decision? If he loves you? How many times have you wondered if you were being punished?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I may not know the conditions that led to you being a mother solely responsible for raising your kids. The past that has brought you to this reality does not matter at this point. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqb7vEvwYIh7KI3pirdL-e8Lg47l6JgRcQCm7vzKzTIPKb6VcrbJ1yoOmfPl1TO9J77Ux4b3G2UoZg3cCC6WFkM93LVDATegG6aIeUuuOaA-oSoctVa0yXKGZHNmTZszAcLc4un5HR22bt/s1600/janko-ferlic-Q1zMXEI9V8g-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqb7vEvwYIh7KI3pirdL-e8Lg47l6JgRcQCm7vzKzTIPKb6VcrbJ1yoOmfPl1TO9J77Ux4b3G2UoZg3cCC6WFkM93LVDATegG6aIeUuuOaA-oSoctVa0yXKGZHNmTZszAcLc4un5HR22bt/s400/janko-ferlic-Q1zMXEI9V8g-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@itfeelslikefilm?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/single-mother?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">This is what matters.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">It matters that you wake up in the morning to crowded thoughts and fears about how you are going to make things work for you and your children.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">It matters that you are constantly second-guessing yourself, terrified of the future, wondering what kind of life your kids will have if you slip up or miss it.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">It matters that you worry that they will never be whole, that you think that the decisions that brought you to this reality might scar them for the rest of their lives.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">It matters that you have panic and anxiety attacks thinking about them asking you the whys, whens, wheres, whats, whos and hows. It matters that you wake up and do life afraid.</span></span></div>
<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Here is the thing though. As much as all that matters, you don’t </span><i style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">have</span></i><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"> to do it afraid.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Let me get back to that wonderful revelation I told you about earlier.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I was recently talking to myself and doing that thing we mothers tend to do, which is worry.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I was worried about paying bills.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Worried about saving enough money for the rent.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Worried about my child and how he would cope with changes that were looming.</span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Worried about the details of my life until I was nearly immobile with worry.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">And at the back of my mind, all my worries came from the mindset that I was a single mother.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I kept thinking, “I am single now, so I must do this like this and that like that”, and on and on it went.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">But then, I heard God gently say to me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">“You’re not single, what does that even mean?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">It stopped me in my thinking tracks.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">What does it mean when I say that I am a single mother?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I often wonder that we do not look at words that are used by society over time until they become the norm in language. I realized that when I say that I am a single mother, what I am really saying is that I am alone in the journey of raising a child.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">But are we really alone? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I remember God chiding me and saying to me,</span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">“You are not a single mother”. “Don’t ever refer to yourself as single.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">“</span><i style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">You are united with Jesus Christ.”</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I had been reading the book of Ephesians before this and this was one truth that leapt off the pages and imprinted itself in my heart; being united with Jesus. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Ephesians 1:3 and 2:13</span></b></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">“All praise to God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms </span><b style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><i style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">because we are united with Christ</span></i></b><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"> <b>(NLT)</b></span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">“You lived in this world, without God and without hope. But now, </span><b style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><i style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">you have been united with Christ Jesus.” (NLT)</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">These are the words that changed and are still changing my life! </span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">God literally told me that he joined me to his son, Jesus his beloved. The bible is rich in metaphors about the marriage of Christ and the church, with the church often being referred to as his bride.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Dear mother, you aren’t single because you are not alone. You are the bride of Christ.</span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Think about it; the heart of many women in this scenario is to be joined with someone who sees them for who they are, who values, cherishes, treasures and loves them to the point of laying down their lives for them. We often forget that we existed in the spiritual realm before we came to this earth in our human suit.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">The point I am making is, you are joined with deity. </span></span></div>
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<div style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">And unlike other people that you may have been joined to before which left a trail of broken promises and gaping wounds, Jesus is a healer, he is a keeper of promises and a restorer of unfulfilled dreams and purposes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">You were never meant to be alone and do it alone.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Being joined to Jesus means that you know and accept the gift of salvation he offers. If this is the first time you are hearing about Jesus and what he has done for you or would like to learn more, this </span><a class="_e75a791d-denali-editor-page-rtfLink" href="https://ccing.org/sermon/blessed/" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; color: #4a6ee0; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;" target="_blank"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #4a6ee0; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">message</span></a><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"> will certainly help.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Dear Mother, going forward, choose the words that you describe over yourself carefully. Choose to speak the words that God speaks about you. Learn what he says about you in his written word to you and sit with those words until you hear him whisper them to you when you sleep and when you wake up. Don’t let what society says, be the limit of your experiences. Define yourself with God and his words. I promise you that your best life is just beginning. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background: transparent; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">After all, what do you have to lose? </span></span></div>
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Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-58541395842234468372020-03-29T04:11:00.001-07:002020-03-29T04:11:17.894-07:00Having my son cured me of my addiction to pornography<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC1367YJmlTBqIUCiOTAnEye8VB-Q1Kq9rfgBA3xa5nUwgyQCYZluoWcy2asPL5W0lICwMQxevKHOuaqASzmsUhyphenhyphentP8bKohUifoS07IXKi9nniBlRYSt9TKeC-4gUWhKCJD629kIshxXlQ/s1600/sex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1594" data-original-width="1059" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC1367YJmlTBqIUCiOTAnEye8VB-Q1Kq9rfgBA3xa5nUwgyQCYZluoWcy2asPL5W0lICwMQxevKHOuaqASzmsUhyphenhyphentP8bKohUifoS07IXKi9nniBlRYSt9TKeC-4gUWhKCJD629kIshxXlQ/s640/sex.jpg" width="424" /></a></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="25d2">
So…Pornography eh?</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="25d2">
<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="0906">
Yes, well…apparently, women can be addicted to pornography too. Believe it or not, women are sexual beings as well.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="0906">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="7578">
For me, sex has always been an uncomfortable subject. Chuck it up to the shroud of secrecy my parents surrounded it with. And the countless number of times that I was told that sex was for marriage and having sex outside marriage was something akin to murder, or worse.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="7578">
<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="0fd7">
But, I was a rather curious child.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="57c3">
This meant that by the time I was eight years old, I had gone through my mother’s box of Mills and Boons novels and had devoured every single novel and reader’s digest collection from the 80’s on my father’s book shelf.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="af9e">
It also meant I read about things that would have horrified my parents.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ba">
Like the book that talked about sex.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="30f6">
I think once my father figured out that my appetite for reading was similar to a vampire’s appetite for blood, it was too late.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="6dff">
I can’t remember the title of the book now, but I never forgot the graphic pictures of the various sex positions. It was enough to stimulate the wildest of imaginations and it did! And therein began my foray into sex education by sources other than my parents.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="09c5">
Even before I stumbled into the internet world of pornography, my imaginations were my first inkling that something was probably wrong with me.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="09c5">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="cb07">
They always started off with an independent girl going out to have some fun and getting violently gang-raped by a bunch of men dressed in hoods. There were variances; the colour of the girl’s hair, the activity for the night, the room where this act of violence would take place, but two things remained constant; the girl’s free spirit and the men’s facelessness.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="cb07">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="1c84">
When I discovered a whole new world of pornography online, I was hooked.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="43e0">
Watching normal sex bored me, even irritated me.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="475a">
It was not uncommon to me to search words like “gang raped”, “rough sex”, or “group sex”. If the girl was suffering, and the men were enjoying her pain, it was perfect for me.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="9646">
Things went to a hundred-real quick once I discovered anime pornography. That was an absolute landmine for me. Every other type of pornography was child’s play compared to this. I had literally found my niche.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="5afc">
You would think that would set off an alarm yes?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="55f4">
Not really. Africans, in general, are not big on talking about things. Years of issues gets stuffed down under duty and service and we thrive on autopilot. Rarely does one get to dig deep enough to question what is norm and what is not.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="af90">
Did I feel bad about it? Occasionally. When my parents’ voices would ring in my head or when my catholic upbringing kicked in.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="0c42">
However, becoming a <em class="markup--em markup--p-em">born-again Christian</em> set the stage for the unravelling that would take place.</div>
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="6553">
I was of the ilk that becoming born-again would cure me of this addiction. And it did. For a while. But like any addiction, because I was not starving it and replacing it with wholesome information, it was still a beast I had to feed. The difference this time was that I was racked with so much guilt and despair afterwards that it became hard for me to talk to God about anything else.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="6553">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="64f8">
When I found out I was pregnant, it was the most terrifyingly exciting news of my life. I was already afraid that I would fail as a mother because like all new mothers, I did not have a clue about how to be a good mother.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="64f8">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="39c8">
Part of me secretly longed for a girl because somewhere at the back of my mind existed a bias against boys. Mothering myths have it that boys are usually a difficult first-time experience and I wanted my first-time mumming experience to be a walk in the park.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="39c8">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="3518">
The second I found out I was having a boy however, something in me shifted.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="3518">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="b93e">
It was a shift that came in the middle of a crumbling marriage, a season of intense depression and self-critiquing.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="b93e">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="e286">
Knowing that I was going to have a son made me begin to ask questions. The kind I had never thought about before.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="e286">
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<div class="graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote" name="9282">
<i><b>“What kind of man was I going to raise being addicted to the kind of pornography that I was addicted to?”</b></i></div>
<div class="graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote" name="9282">
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<div class="graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote" name="6ec5">
<i><b>“How was I going to teach my son to respect women when it was obvious from my viewing choices that I had a problem respecting women? “</b></i></div>
<div class="graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote" name="6ec5">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="c08d">
Eventually, I came down to the most important question of all: <i><b>“why was I addicted to this kind of pornography in the first place?”</b></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="57ee">
To be honest, I had never taken a hard look at the reasons for my choice. I had simply assumed that it was a matter of taste, albeit bad taste in my case.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="7436">
But knowing that I was going to have a son and be responsible for either contributing an amazing human being or another asshole to the teeming numbers of men jolted me hard enough to ask the questions I should have been asking a long time ago.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="7436">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
Here is what I found out</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
<strong class="markup--strong markup--li-strong">I loathed myself</strong>; on a deep level, I did not love who I was, I did not love the fact that I was a woman. Being sexually molested several times growing up made me wish I was invisible. Asking myself this question uncovered the facades that I had constructed to deal with the fact that I blamed myself for being a victim. There must have been something I did, said or a way I behaved that planted the thought in the minds of these men that I was something to be used. It didn’t help that all of them were men that I trusted on a deep level. </div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
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<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
<strong class="markup--strong markup--li-strong"></strong><strong class="markup--strong markup--li-strong">I was punishing myself</strong>: it did not take me too long to get to the next realization, which was the fact that my taste in pornography reflected my blame mentality. It was my fault, and I deserved to be punished. I was the girl in each of the scenarios, in each of those videos. Sex was meant to be enjoyable for men, but it was meant to be hell for the women. I am no psychologist, but I reckon that making the men faceless in my imaginations and not attaching real human faces to the men in the porn videos was my way of detaching from the pain caused by the people I had known and trusted.<strong class="markup--strong markup--li-strong"> </strong></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
<strong class="markup--strong markup--li-strong">Pornography numbed me:</strong> watching this type of pornography reinforced negative stereotypes about men and women for me, but it also numbed me. Addictions are a funny thing. You turn to them for comfort and they give the illusion of giving you some reprieve but in reality, they only serve to increase your pain. Because when all is said and done, what you do not want to face and deal with squarely still waits for you down the slippery corner on the road of your life.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="01ce">
<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="c3df">
Once I understood that my reasons for my viewing choices came from a place of deep self-loathing and pain, I was able to go back to God and ask for his help. I stopped watching pornography immediately and have not gone back to it since. It literally was the sort of deliverance that would be described as “suddenly” except it wasn’t. It’s been more than two years and when I think about it, I am so grateful for the progress I have made.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="c3df">
<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="cfce">
<em class="markup--em markup--p-em">Understanding the why of my addiction led to my freedom.</em></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="cfce">
<br /></div>
<div class="graf graf--p" name="6d98">
I have my son to thank for that. He doesn’t know it yet, but he saved my life and he keeps doing that. Every. Beautiful. Day.</div>
<div class="graf graf--p graf--empty" name="457e">
<br /></div>
</div>
Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-56283546013205700732019-11-27T06:05:00.001-08:002019-11-27T07:30:06.893-08:00I Finally called God "Daddy" (Part Two)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpFCcNnsxm7raZCm_6Z3s906k_dUfDzcW_-pWMiPaLLZnZzvC0vgBsoeQrtZOeNqrJD7p5WfqXY4PeTAeYlYf9KGi-kvPcjq793tO5dCEddnM9Wrn7wIyE-VXGFUgpOHMF-ifsiT1aJMrQ/s1600/liv-bruce-odIhQypCuUk-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpFCcNnsxm7raZCm_6Z3s906k_dUfDzcW_-pWMiPaLLZnZzvC0vgBsoeQrtZOeNqrJD7p5WfqXY4PeTAeYlYf9KGi-kvPcjq793tO5dCEddnM9Wrn7wIyE-VXGFUgpOHMF-ifsiT1aJMrQ/s640/liv-bruce-odIhQypCuUk-unsplash.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> </span> Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@livvie_bruce?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Liv Bruce</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/family?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">In case you missed part one of the story</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I am not a product of a broken home, but
there were times that I wished I were, for my mother’s sake. For a long time,
she was the unhappiest tormented soul I knew until she found her place in
God. <span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">In talking about the insidious attacks
of the enemy against manhood, it might escape the attention of a few, but many
families are breaking apart. I am not an expert in these matters and I don’t
pretend to be. My aim here is to share my experience and the lessons I have
learned. </span> </span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">A huge part of my growing years was
spent watching my mother hold the home together, she stretched herself thin
trying to make sure that her children had the semblance of a home and it was heartbreaking to watch. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">As the first child, I experienced
upfront, the violence and abuse that went on her relationship with my father
and it exposed me to the toxic narrative that has birthed the generation of men
that we see in our current day.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">These are men who feel entitled to the
body and life of a woman.</span></i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Men who believe that a woman exists only
to lose herself so that they find themselves</span></i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Men who believe that childbearing,
child-rearing and home managing are all women are good for.</span></i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Men who especially in our day,
ironically, believe that the woman should do everything including work while
they can take a self-proclaimed vacation because, you know, a woman is
superwoman, she is meant to be stretched. </span></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">The toxic narrative has not left women
unscathed.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">It tells that them the success of a home
depends on them and this narrative often draws its justification from
scripture, the most commonly taken from Proverbs 14;1, “<i><b><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">A wise woman builds her home,
but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”</span></b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">In reading the scripture, I often ask
myself, why no one asks the question, “<i><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">what
is she building with?” Does she build with nothing in her hands?</span></i> The
very use of the word “build” there implies that there are materials that she is
to work with. God was clear about the prototype of this relationship when he
created Adam in a fully functional environment with resources and appointed him
to work, <i><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">then </span></i>brought
him a wife. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">The danger of this narrative is that it
frees the man of any responsibility in the home and places what is meant to be
shared responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the woman. I am bold to say
that this is an anomaly. And anyone who has stayed in the presence of God long
enough to touch him will know this to be true. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">There have been prophecies of a shaking
that will start first from the house of God, his church. It has already begun,
and many are walking through fire that will not burn them and are in waters
that will not drown them. I sincerely believe that God is taking foundations
and turning them upside down. All that you know will be tested and the ultimate
goal is for his words revealed in us to remain for a foundation that is strong
and unshaken.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Many relationships will be affected by
this shaking, including marriages. Age-old narratives, that have become
strongholds and have birthed anomalies in the family structures are being
challenged. This is the age of God’s truth and it will prevail. The real
question now is whether we will allow ourselves to be refined by the fire?
Because allowing refinement will make the difference between the homes that
make it and the ones that don’t. And this refinement covers both the man and
the woman. <b><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">Amos
3:3 </span></b>asks, <i><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">“Can
two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?</span></i>”. The
days where the woman walked with God and served as a covering for the man are
over. <i><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">That God
permits a thing does not mean that it is his divine will<b>. (Ephesians
5:22.33, 1st Corinthians 11: 3)</b></span></i></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Phew! That was intense! </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">So, back to how I finally called God
daddy.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">During the period of the trial, I was in,
I prayed and asked God to lead me to gathering of his people where his word was
being taught in power and simplicity.</span></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">God answered my prayers and led me to a
church that has been unlike anything I have ever experienced.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span><a href="https://ccing.org/" target="_blank"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #4a6ee0; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Celebration church</span></a><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> turned out to be the best thing
that happened to me this year.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiHZj0Ui16ls1RZDF-FcgL7gLCgXUEkBye-Zi_Mi-oJuqHOTIecxX2oq6krhxVKPvHKBTzXzX3rAb1TCcFwK21jvhGSvGobZMFnjrGdcRLbBCUBNBxYtoK5GxTS7agySgtvOAkSvRS5MuB/s1600/aaron-burden-09AhDCedXF8-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiHZj0Ui16ls1RZDF-FcgL7gLCgXUEkBye-Zi_Mi-oJuqHOTIecxX2oq6krhxVKPvHKBTzXzX3rAb1TCcFwK21jvhGSvGobZMFnjrGdcRLbBCUBNBxYtoK5GxTS7agySgtvOAkSvRS5MuB/s320/aaron-burden-09AhDCedXF8-unsplash.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span></span><br />
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Never have I been more eager to be in
God’s presence than now.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">
</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Never have I had the desire to hear the
Word being taught. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Attending the church made me understand
that when people are taught about their identity in Christ and the inheritance
we have in him, it can change lives. The gospel is indeed the power of God at
work to save everyone who believes <b><span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;">(Romans
1:16)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I remember attending the service one day
and the person leading prayer was like,</span></div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">“Go ahead and thank God, say thank you
daddy.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Everything in me went “scrreeeeech!!!!”.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I was like, “Daddy ba wo?” Nah
bruh! </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I call him “father”, it’s very regal,
very old English times and makes me feel like a little princess.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">So, ignored him and the others after him
who would pray and say “thank you, Daddy".</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I could not just relate. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Fast-forward to last night.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I was listening to a message on YouTube
by Pastor Iren called </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyWVdtQtx5o" target="_blank"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #4a6ee0; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Jireh.</span></a></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">It's funny because I had just put my son
to sleep and laid down beside him with the message playing through my
earphones and I nodded off.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> I woke up moments later to Pastor
Iren saying, “God has justified you”.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">That simple? Not quite.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I had also heard him say that mankind
was corrupted in the garden of Eden by the decision of the first Adam and that
the only way God would have corrected that was to destroy mankind, something he
was not willing to do.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">He made provision for our salvation
through his Son Jesus, to correct the flaw in mankind and clean up the mess it
had created for generations.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">You see, I had always said and believed
this, but I had never heard anyone preach it.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Hearing Pastor Iren say that made me
realize that God has been teaching me his word in his way and it was not the
product of my imagination.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I felt loved and honoured by God.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<b><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I felt loved and honoured by God.</span></i></b></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">And in that moment, I said “thank you
Daddy”, and I meant it.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Calling him daddy, felt very simple,
very new ageish and made me feel like a little girl, period. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Do you see why I call him Daddy
now? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
</div>
Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-14904623900240680442019-11-27T05:28:00.001-08:002019-11-27T05:28:37.631-08:00I finally called God "Daddy"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Last week, I called God “daddy”.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGD2vZ0uehIAhNKyeGY6B68OZd0qy74igyrImnO8JEJfPwEXmiZBbJhG8iNPogcrD2VBjAiLyba6G8PtP4yYwyOeU14v55E4gkZS9zcpjKCbTFjhc1fwFDDhsw-0Rg8sfFHFe3I2h74r7I/s1600/Daddy+and+daugter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGD2vZ0uehIAhNKyeGY6B68OZd0qy74igyrImnO8JEJfPwEXmiZBbJhG8iNPogcrD2VBjAiLyba6G8PtP4yYwyOeU14v55E4gkZS9zcpjKCbTFjhc1fwFDDhsw-0Rg8sfFHFe3I2h74r7I/s400/Daddy+and+daugter.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@laurenlulutaylor?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">lauren lulu taylor</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/daddy-and-girl?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></div>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I know it may not sound like earth-shattering, life-altering news to
you, but it was one of the most profound moments of my life.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Let me explain why.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So, this year, things have happened to me that have tried the very core
of my faith in God.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">They are the kind of things that have had me swirling around in a haze
of utter disbelief, looking for some sign that I was not going crazy, that the
divine was still in my life.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">In the midst of it all, I railed, I cried, I withdrew, I prayed, I
didn’t pray, I read the word, I didn’t read the word, I went to church, I
didn’t go to church…</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I vacillated between wanting to be on this earth and wanting to leave
it. It is not something I can put in words, but it was not the most pleasant
experience of my life. And to be honest, I might just wish it on my worst enemy
because look, it brought me to this point I am excited to talk about.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I am beginning to understand that the place of father in the family is
one of the most understated and attacked positions in the world. I am beginning
to understand that while the enemy did attack women and still does, the more
insidious attack is on manhood, priesthood to be precise. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Growing up, I did not have the best relationship with my father, I still
don’t. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">It was one of those relationships that was filled with so much toxicity
that I learned to breathe life into different masks to survive. I grew up
seeing my mother do that hard work of leading the family to the prayer altar,
the work of bringing me and my eight siblings up in the ways of the Lord. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I also grew up seeing my father absolutely refusing to be a covering to
my mother. It was a refusal that bordered on a twisted logic that he was making
her suffer by not being the husbandman. I have learned since that when men do
not have an understanding of who they are in God and what their position in the
family means, they are literally murders of divine destiny. It is akin to a
general taking his soldiers to a raging war without a plan and weapons. Only by
divine intervention and protection do they survive. You leave your wife and
children vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir8M7Xi-VDxLhQ0f4bK-b4ye-_LaUNv-19q7CyS-LzznK8aqbfro59T8EoXGcAHJz9LhOq2wyEY8d9aFgTggnEyiWxwebPY4-NaxNtaufiE9vAZSm23mlDw6K2ZFb1Pipku70Mb5V30sZf/s1600/valentin-salja-9kbaq1xoIr0-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1062" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir8M7Xi-VDxLhQ0f4bK-b4ye-_LaUNv-19q7CyS-LzznK8aqbfro59T8EoXGcAHJz9LhOq2wyEY8d9aFgTggnEyiWxwebPY4-NaxNtaufiE9vAZSm23mlDw6K2ZFb1Pipku70Mb5V30sZf/s640/valentin-salja-9kbaq1xoIr0-unsplash.jpg" width="424" /></a></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I have since understood what many men and even some women do not
understand. The father is the one who provides the framework of relationship
for his children to connect to God as a Father. Time and time again, I have
come across wounded people, those who have been wounded by their fathers
because the fathers did not understand that they stood in a gap that was so
profound, so sacred, generations depended on them. These people like me, have
struggled all their lives to connect to God as Father. Don’t get me wrong, they
might have a great walk with God and can excel in trusting God for many things
but struggle time and time again at with relating to God as their Father. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">This is particularly significant when you consider the truth that Christ
came to reveal God to us as a Father who cares for his children. The enemy is
aware that when he attacks fatherhood, he attacks the very core of the
connection between God and his children. Love is the heartbeat of God’s divine
plan to connect with us through Christ and the enemy knows that when he can get
children to disconnect from their fathers and vice versa, he tampers with the
belief system that God can love and does love us, unconditionally.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">For a long time, believing that God loved me was hard. I had a varying
degree of thoughts about his love for me: it was obligatory, after all, he
created me; it was conditional, if I was good enough, he would bless me, If I
wasn’t, he would punish me.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> It was a push and pull relationship where I watched him from a
distance, never sure what to expect, always suspicious of so-called “good
intentions”.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">It was made all the harder by several bouts of sexual abuse that made me
conclude that I could not be loved and not worthy of love. When men abuse
girls, they leave a strong message behind, one that says, “something is wrong
with you and it’s your fault that something so reprobate could happen to you”.
It is a message that only accepting the love of God can erase. </span></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
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mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
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<![endif]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Century Gothic",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Something insidious has been going on for a
while now. While an all-out war was declared between the woman and her seed in
the garden of Eden <b>(Genesis 3:15), </b>the enemy also declared an
all-out war on men and he has been taking them out from the beginning</span><span data-preserver-spaces="true"> </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span data-preserver-spaces="true"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: #1c1e29; font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I will be talking more about this in the next instalment of this
article. </span></span></div>
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Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-37219922363933388382018-09-28T07:48:00.000-07:002019-09-04T08:03:00.022-07:00A letter to God from a depressed Christian <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Dear
God,</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4R-2HRL9bblhqH5T6IyhDt5XXc9u5saxoDESkjz1Cjnj4TTrBXSYZdpFHwj3M59SQOHA4JnEeHbq9WpYGzmKkAVWgmH6uJSDnpbjXmu3cWCbkyAMqpWAO3JHjt9ts3aD_WgVTDIQkuSck/s1600/cloudy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="509" data-original-width="360" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4R-2HRL9bblhqH5T6IyhDt5XXc9u5saxoDESkjz1Cjnj4TTrBXSYZdpFHwj3M59SQOHA4JnEeHbq9WpYGzmKkAVWgmH6uJSDnpbjXmu3cWCbkyAMqpWAO3JHjt9ts3aD_WgVTDIQkuSck/s400/cloudy.jpg" width="282" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">This
is your daughter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
am writing instead of talking because my voice is gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">It’s
lost somewhere inside of me, in the midst of the violent storm raging.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
try to speak to you but I can’t find the words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">My
heart is aching with emotions that I cannot name.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">My
throat is closed up with what feels like years and years of unshed tears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Which
can’t be…because I have done nothing but cry this year, and the year before
that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
have done nothing but sob in that deep agonizing animalistic way that has
terrified even me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">So
why do I still feel like there is more inside that needs to come out?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
want to talk to you, but then I say to myself, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“you already know where I am, you
know how I am, you know why I am, is there any need to speak to you?”<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
want to blame you for this fire, for putting me in front of this mirror and
making me look at this reflection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
want to blame you for putting me on this wine press, for pressing on me and
making me bleed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
want to blame you…and I do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
asked you to purify my motives didn’t I?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Is
that what this is? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The
purification of my motives for things I thought I wanted?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Dear
God,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
am exhausted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">You
know that I have been saying that to you for months now, yes? Even years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
tried to tell a few people how I feel; they said speaking like that was not
right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
needed to be strong, for my sake, for my baby’s sake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">But
Lord, I am tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Every
bone in my body is tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
feel it down to the movement of blood in my veins.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
feel it in the sluggish chug of blood flow, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The
slow trudge of thoughts in my head, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The
slow thump of my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Every
part of me is tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">How
many times do I ask for your help Lord?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">How
many times have I said, “I am tired, help me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Or
have just whispered “help me” over and over again? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">These
days the cloud of depression is heavier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Its
weight is dragging my lifeline down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">And
the “why” is hard to point out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">But
I am a Christian right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
should not be feeling depressed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
have gone online, read articles, listened to messages about depression. Some days,
it helps.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Some
days I feel the weight lift away and I am fine for some seconds, minutes. Then
it comes back, with a vengeance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Working
out used to help Lord…now I can’t even find the energy to do that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Waking
up is hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Breathing
is hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Going
through the motions is my saving grace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Showing
up used to be enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Now
showing up no longer counts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Dear
Lord,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Sometimes,
I feel guilty for feeling this way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">There
is so much that I have, so much that I am capable of.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
feel like the one burying his talent in the ground, waiting for you to come so
that I can complain that you were a hard master and weren’t there for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">But
that would be a lie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Yes…I
am not sure of what my divine assignment is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
simply know that I have been dogged by the persistent knowing that I am meant
to do something really great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">But
today, at 36 with all the things I thought I would accomplish vanishing into
thin air, I feel like I am nothing, like I have nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Deep
down though…I know it’s a lie…I have everything Lord.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">You…I
have you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">But
right now…even the knowledge that I have you is not enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I
am tired dear Lord.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Really
tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Please
help me…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;"><b>Your Daughter in the fog</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif;"><b>Picture credit: Flickr</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br /></div>
Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-42740792292908844312016-12-14T14:09:00.000-08:002016-12-14T14:09:13.706-08:00A spiritual rant<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyrJZzEWDmS_eG2TRnINkOyqfjHLh6pHTSA22sSmeb3lJuZMKAX2OCHCuHSmfJEhoLaQFQPirFRpRkbQP7O1k9Z4C2RKvI9kuoq5Yc49xCSKbcN5xPurIOOP0kEJtcnn-bQCHxNpZRMetc/s1600/mouth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyrJZzEWDmS_eG2TRnINkOyqfjHLh6pHTSA22sSmeb3lJuZMKAX2OCHCuHSmfJEhoLaQFQPirFRpRkbQP7O1k9Z4C2RKvI9kuoq5Yc49xCSKbcN5xPurIOOP0kEJtcnn-bQCHxNpZRMetc/s200/mouth.jpg" width="147" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Life was much simpler when I was
a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I knew exactly what I wanted to
be, who I wanted to be and I made sure that I was unashamed about telling
people where I was going and what I was going to do. These days, I am less sure
of myself. For most of the part, it is almost as if some alien has inhabited my
body and is taking over parts of me that were important to me when I was
growing up. Ironically, it is as if I am suffering some sort of identity
crises. You would think that being in God would make that a rarity but I have
found out that the more I know God, the less of myself I seem to know or even
like.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometimes I comfort myself with
the thought that it is the harsh glare of the word that is causing this. That in
the bright light of God’s truth, who I truly am comes to bear and the truth of
that is ugly in itself. Yes I am a sinner but I have accepted that my sins have
been paid for by Christ Jesus and I am the righteousness of God in Christ. Yes,
I am filled with the most obscene thoughts; the kind that would make people run
in the opposite direction if they caught a glimpse of them, but I have accepted
the truth that I am transformed in my mind with the reading and washing of the
word. Yes, I have the most horrible of habits; a temper that used to make me
think I was schizophrenic. But I have accepted that in Christ, the old me is
gone and the new me is on display.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It seems that the fight of being
a Christian is a never ending one. For nearly 3 years I have been filled with a
restlessness so deep that falling into it seems like a death that I will not be
resurrected from. I have been consumed by the feeling that I am not living up
to my full potential and that I am not where I should be. While some form of
discontentment might be considered godly, I am unsure that this sort is from
God. It borders on torment and one thing I am sure about is that the Spirit of
God given does not produced torment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I remind myself constantly that I
am a work in progress. I may not be where I want to be and that thought,
terrifying for me as it is, is truth as much as I want to reject it. The greatest
hindrance to being whom God has called us to be is ourselves. Sometimes we
fight him because we have our own ideas of whom we should be and how we should
get there. Maybe this is where I am? The fighting stage; I want to surrender
but I am afraid that I will not like me when he is done. I already do not like
me in so many regards since my intimate walk with him began. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are many things I am yet to
understand, things that I want to understand. I just want to know that I am
walking the path chosen for me and not for someone else. I am consumed with the
need to know that I am doing the right thing at this point in my life. This need
for divine validation is not one that I am familiar with and I am at a loss. I
have asked and prayed and all I get is a nudge to trust as far as my eyes can
see. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Maybe that is my problem. I want
the whole blueprint laid out and broken down to me in my language. But when did
God ever do that? His blueprints are always made known in the fullness of time.
My greatest challenge at this point is to rest in him and just trust him as far
as the light ahead of me shines. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">God
grant me grace…amen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-88131482119284103462016-03-31T00:42:00.000-07:002016-04-07T03:06:13.477-07:00Letting the past go<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinwkS_BGX-ZwLgFeF-mvpRGboXeStj02QBPo-7X72C0xaw7ZGmbLlNsxXV2-vBcb5wM0Fybpv9bHqyNZ5nG3JUEUD9BwzJNVVpndW5EeXzH_-WNq-CeXHvDdHV0iKNkHtWRdVJAzkHJHTh/s1600/Transformed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinwkS_BGX-ZwLgFeF-mvpRGboXeStj02QBPo-7X72C0xaw7ZGmbLlNsxXV2-vBcb5wM0Fybpv9bHqyNZ5nG3JUEUD9BwzJNVVpndW5EeXzH_-WNq-CeXHvDdHV0iKNkHtWRdVJAzkHJHTh/s320/Transformed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: candara, sans-serif;">The
hardest thing for any person to do is to share a part of themselves that they
have kept hidden away for a long time. There are skeletons that we keep in the
closet because we are afraid of being judged, terrified of being demoted in
their minds.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">There
are many Christians who live in the constant fear that their past wrongs will
catch up with them, that they are not really forgiven for their past misdeeds. Our
churches are filled with them; Christians trying to wipe out their past by
filling their lives with religious activities. They talk right and act right
but they tend to be the most bitter of persons. For people like this, the feeling
that the world is moving around them while they are stuck in one place is one
that they continually grapple with. </span><span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">To an outsider looking in on their lives,
everything might look just peachy. Their lives always have something that can
be tagged as successful. It might be the great work places they are employed in
or that fantastic relationship that is the envy of their friends around them. It
might even be something as superficial as the fact that they are physically
appealing or have some gift that is highly coveted. But this group of people
are the most unsatisfied. The constant feeling of failing at something dogs their
footsteps at every turn. With each pinnacle of “success” comes a new wave of
doubt and despair that they are not living at all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";">These are the people who have been around church long enough to be changed, to have
been changed, but who are the most unwilling to forgive wrongs. They take it to
heart when things do not go their way and can be described as petty in their
actions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";">For
many of them, it is not the absence of the desire to love and forgive and live,
it is the absence of the life of God instead them. The bible describes them
aptly In 2 Timothy 3:5 when it says that they are <i><b>“</b></i></span><b><sup><span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><i> </i></span></sup></b><span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><span style="text-align: start;"><i><b>holding to a form of [outward] godliness
(religion), although they have denied its power [for their conduct nullifies
their claim of faith].</b></i></span><b> </b>(Amp)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">When we bring the fruit of our efforts to God and
try to wipe the slate of our past clean with them, we are merely stalling our spiritual
growth. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">How many of us truly believe that our past is
forgiven? That our sins are truly wiped away? How many of us are still living
as though we are trying to make up for the things we did and are failing miserably
at it?</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">How many of us pray and fast and
tithe and give and literally tick of the list of self-prescribed steps towards
being a super Christian but still feel like we are getting it wrong? How many
of us leave the tangible presence of God, go back into o the world and fall
flat down on our faces at the first blow thrown at us in spite of the fact that
we should know better?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Here is a truth that I faced recently and I pray
that we all face in order for us to understand who we are. Many of us are
involved in make overs that leave God out of the picture. We are so ashamed of
who we were that we try to rewrite who we are into a more acceptable skin. But the
truth is that each time we look into the mirror, we barely recognize the person
we see. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">When we deny who we were, we deny God’s gift of
salvation. We deny God’s desire to love us whole. You see, God loves ALL of
you. The miracle of his salvation lies in his ability to transform us from who
we were to who we are truly meant to be in him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">God cannot transform you if you do not see the
need to be transformed. Until you see the need for God, you will continue to
work in your “self” and it will be a fruitless walk down the road. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Transformation is one of the key features of Christianity
that distinguishes it from other religions. I tend not to agree with people who
say that your past has no place in your future. While I understand the context,
I sincerely wish that more preachers would stress the fact that while your past
does not determine your future, it does provide God with the much needed raw
material he uses to make masterpieces out of us. That is if you let him and
simply embrace his desire to love and use ALL of you and not just the parts
that you might deem worthy. Selah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: right 451.3pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";"><b>John
8: 36- <span style="background: white;">So if the Son makes you free,
then you are unquestionably free.</span></b></span><o:p></o:p></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></i>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif";"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><b>Picture source</b>: truthforlife.org</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-40077561682199907942016-03-29T11:37:00.000-07:002016-03-29T11:38:48.815-07:00Breaking down safe walls<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
New Year came with a keen knowing on my inside that we are in the final lap of
the earthly race and as it is with a physical race, the unexpected can happen
at any time. The good news is that as believers, we already know what to expect
and are meant to prepare for it. One of the things I am certain we can expect
in this season is a more vociferous attack of the enemy against the church.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In
one of those rare moments when the world around me is silent and my mind is
tuned to things of the Spirit, an analogy that was startlingly apt dropped in my
mind. Now for you to understand what I am going to describe next, you might
need to go looking for the television anime series titled, <b><i>“Attack on Titan”.</i></b> The
series is a cleverly written manga production that has spurned a commercial
line up of a movie and a series of comics and light books. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Attack on Titan</span></i><span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> tells of a tale of giant humanoids who invade earth
and for reasons unknown to its inhabitants, delight in eating human beings. To
protect themselves, the humans build three sturdy walls over 80 meters high and
for the next hundred years focus all their energies on living inside the wall.
In the course of time, the memory of the outside world becomes a distant ding
and they all settle down to a monotonous existence. Interesting, there are few
who question the wisdom of living within the walls as they grow up. One of
them, the main character, Eren, constantly talks about life outside the walls
and is viscerally upset at the thought that people are contented with living
and dying within the walls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One
of the most astounding parts of the series for me is the team put in place to
ensure the safety of the citizens. The team is meant to have been undergoing
training drills in the event that the titans do breach the walls. These drills
have been ongoing for 100 years with generations of men living and dying
without actually getting to execute their military prowess. The years that pass
make the tale of the titans appear as a myth and things such as the training
drills are done with as much heart as a robot learning to love. When the titans
do attack eventually, the military is so unprepared it is ridiculous. An entire
village is literally trampled underfoot and the streets flow with blood. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now,
like I often say, blood and gore is not my typical scene. In fact, most of the
time, I shut my eyes in horror each time a titan tore the head off someone or
tossed a limb away. It was that horrific. But, in thinking about it I realized
that those people could very well be our modern day church.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We
more than anyone else, know that there is an enemy lurking outside the walls of
the church that seeks to take us apart limb by limb. An enemy that will stop at
nothing to make sure that we fall down and stay down. Yet what do we do?</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB4LQj0B8KBdhwyBDfjztmw9gsQbSp9-zC8exikgxV8s-QWxSkPUaajOXbSjFHYvZyf4xr99o2FUySLCLkj0SnylUVVscfn8uqjYK9NyAvv7jy7uHthFWMRfL8k6_1PqQ3h8za1szN0s11/s1600/tear-down-wall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB4LQj0B8KBdhwyBDfjztmw9gsQbSp9-zC8exikgxV8s-QWxSkPUaajOXbSjFHYvZyf4xr99o2FUySLCLkj0SnylUVVscfn8uqjYK9NyAvv7jy7uHthFWMRfL8k6_1PqQ3h8za1szN0s11/s320/tear-down-wall.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We
get comfortable within the walls of religious activity and religious language
and hope that if we are quiet enough and busy enough, the enemy will forget
that we exist. We forget that the four walls of the church are meant to mark
out training ground where we hone our skills for defeating the enemy and
instead make the entire training process look like some routine that needs to
be done for the sake of appearances. We attend weekly and Sunday services so
that we are religiously correct, we underline passages from scripture in church
in our bibles or notepads to show that we are following the teaching from the
pulpit, and yet hardly read the word when we are alone. We give to have our
names registered and we are members of several groups so that we are not tagged
bench warmers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We
live in a way that makes us die, separated from the true essence of the life
that the blood of Jesus purchased for us. Meanwhile, the enemy is outside the
walls of the church, wreaking havoc, looking for weak spots in the walls so
that he can come stampeding and when he does, we sit down in the midst of the
desolation asking God, “why”? “Why me Lord? We forget that God did not call us
to stay in the walls of the church in the first place, that his first call to
us as believers is to go and make disciples in his name. We forget that though
we might forget that we have an enemy, he has not forgotten us, and that his
very breath is a promise to see us suffer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just
like the series, the knowledge of the enemy and active preparation for his
invasion will help us stand in the trying times that will come. Paul speaking
about the Devil boldly states, “We are not unaware of Satan’s schemes”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s
time we stopped hiding behind the walls of religion and come out into the dark.
For light to have any impact, darkness must be present. We have not been called
to be safe, we have been called to save. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>11/01/2016</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>*Picture source: </b>www.blog.ourcrowd.com</span></div>
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Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-2449345774824223682012-05-16T01:51:00.000-07:002013-03-25T05:50:16.453-07:00Why I forgive<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBZvxvaXH9nqVwqgwbU_hJht_U865iyvtOtPzx95twvrA9g-yBAASHfXdXIlkyi4ZkMqiEBtBj4gesmZffxaP6YAjiBcbYOAeOij1Sp3_n1LHkEFeKbC_xpD5KN1lqvealGistsc3bpVyQ/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="194" width="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBZvxvaXH9nqVwqgwbU_hJht_U865iyvtOtPzx95twvrA9g-yBAASHfXdXIlkyi4ZkMqiEBtBj4gesmZffxaP6YAjiBcbYOAeOij1Sp3_n1LHkEFeKbC_xpD5KN1lqvealGistsc3bpVyQ/s400/1.jpg" /></a></div>
A lot of us are hypocrites.
We don’t say what we really mean and we hardly mean what we say.
It would be unfair to heap the blame on ourselves and forget the fact that most of us were brought up in houses where silence was the name of the game.
Where the family name and honor was protected above integrity and honesty.
Where pain wasn't discussed and fears were treated like bouts of cowardice.
Where we saw our parents laugh with visitors and spit at their retreating backs.
No…it would be unfair to blame ourselves for our inability to tell the truth to others and to ourselves.
But it would be stupid to blame everything on our upbringing too.
Whether we came from that kind of background or not, the fact remains that our choices are ours alone and ultimately, we decide if we will carry on the tradition of hypocrisy or not.
I've never been one to hide my feelings even though for a long time I was nearly beaten into doing just that.
At eight I was a feisty little child with my own mind.
At eight I told my father he was a devil for beating up my mother.
At nine I told him he was the wrong man for her.
At ten I told him he didn't deserve to be a father to the wonderful children he had.
Was I right? No….far from it.
In my ignorance, I spoke up and in my innocence I expected change when I did.
The change didn’t come for a long time, at least not for the situation I spoke vehemently against but It came for me…I changed.
I realized that speaking the truth wasn’t the same thing as condemning a person or a situation.
The truth sets you free.
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It convicts you.
It doesn't make you feel like the weight of the world just landed without courtesy on your shoulders nor does it make you feel like you will never get things right.
I don’t know how I made my father feel with my outspoken condemnation of his actions but I know that I never want to have my own child tell me what I told him…and so I forgive.
I forgive because when I hold on to the resentment and anger, I find myself repeating the same things he did.
I forgive because it is his image I hold in my mind when I want to make decisions about trust or love…I remember him and I pull back and a part of me dies each time this happens.
I forgive because it makes me a hypocrite to expect God to forgive my every sin when I have not forgiven my own father or myself for my mistakes.
Let me share how I was released from the bondage of not forgiving.
For a couple of years I had been a Christian and I was doing fine until I realized that every time someone tried to talk to me about my father, I literally bristled.
I would feel the hair on my neck stand up and my chest tighten; and then I would be unable to breathe.
I would become agitated.
People around me had learned to back off from what they knew was a no go area and that was fine by me.
But as time went on, the Holy Spirit kept convicting me of the need to forgive my father; at a point, I wanted to but I didn't know how to do it so the circle continued until one night when I had a conversation with my soul mate.
He had been trying for years to break through the walls that came up every time my father was mentioned and he always went bouncing back.
Out of frustration on this night, he became angry.
<i>‘You let your father control you’,</i> he said.
<i>‘You’re a different person when your father is mentioned because you refuse to forgive him.’</i>
And I snapped.
I switched off the phone on him and cried my eyes out because I knew it was true.
My father was moving on with his life but I was stuck in one place, holding on to what I thought to be the reasons why I couldn't get on with my own life.
I blamed him for some things.
Then blamed him some more for everything.
I cried out to God to set me free from this weight of unforgiveness I had been carrying around when a scripture I had known almost all my life was revealed to me in that moment.
<b><i>‘At the mention of the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow in heaven and on earth and under earth and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord. (Philippians 2:10 & 11)</i></b>
It was the word <b>mentioned </b>that jumped out at me.
‘At the mention of my name’, Jesus whispered to me;
‘Not the mention of your father’s name’….<i>MY NAME!</i>
And it became clear to me.
Everything in my life had been bowing to the mention of my father’s name, my father’s memory, my father’s actions…
I had made my father lord over my life and not Jesus and in doing so my entire experiences were tied to him.
I had made my father god over my life without even knowing it.
This is what unforgiveness does to you.
It bounds you with a thick rope, roots you in the place of that bad experience that caused you to take offence and lets you relive it over and over again.
You are like a CD, skipping over and over again at 3.99 seconds exactly with no one to turn you off.
Unforgiveness makes a prisoner out of you and not the person you take offence with.
There are many of you who are broken records because you have refused to forgive that one person or the other for what you thought was the unforgiveable offence.
If God could forgive you of all the offences you committed against him, why don’t you forgive?
Trust me, it’s not for the other person’s sake, it’s for yours
You are hypocrite if you don’t forgive and that is a fact.
So I forgive, because, God forgave me first and because Jesus is my Lord…no one else deserves that position so don’t make the mistake of giving the power for your life to the wrong person.
Give it to God by forgiving.
<b>(photos courtsey www.lacedwithgrace.com & www.sethsoasis.wordpress.com)
<i></i></b>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-87479631029749335452012-01-27T02:44:00.000-08:002012-01-27T02:44:31.398-08:00Dear GodYou will always have to examine what you believe if you are to keep on believing what you believe. This is one truth that I have come to realize and the realization of this truth has only made me more careful about what I choose to believe.<br />
I want to share something personal with you today.<br />
On the 7th of August, I wrote a letter to God.<br />
I was depressed, lonely and disappointed with the way things were turning out in my life and talking to a fellow Christian at that point didn't work the wonders I was expecting. I could almost predict word for word what would be said and if I could do that what was the use of talking in the first place?<br />
Praying wasn't helping much either; it seemed that God had taken a holiday and had his ear muffs on and a 'do not disturb’ sign on the portal that opened this world to his presence. So it was just me, myself, I and a bunch of gleeful demons having a field day in my mind.<br />
My dear God letter was brutal but at the time I was writing it, I didn't think so.<br />
I was reading it again today and I'm amazed at how far I have grown and how God has kept me in spite of my ignorance. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that even though you might feel like I felt sometimes, giving up on God isn't an option...like someone said, your worst day in Christ is better than your best day without him...<br />
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Dear God…<br />
I feel as though you have let me down in such a huge way that I can never come back to you again. It took me a while to trust you and even a longer time to believe that you weren’t trying to fuck me up. <br />
I did all the things they said you wanted me to do. I didn’t sleep around for cash or for fun either; I told married men that they were walking sacred monuments and told them to go home and love their wives instead of bugging me; I went home after work and spent my time reading the bible or some other book that I felt would help me be a better Christian. I was bluntly honest to the men who came around, that I had a serious relationship and didn’t want to mess that up; I went to church on Wednesdays and on Sundays and even sang in the choir in spite of the fact that I was terrified of crowds.<br />
I wrote down eight fifteen on the work register instead of eight when I came late because I thought honesty extended to the little things as well as the big things; I gave my tithes and offerings even when I knew I wouldn’t have much to live on by the time I took them out of my salary.<br />
Yet in doing all these things, this year, I have felt so alone…like what I am doing is a waste of time, like no matter what I do I will never make it. I feel as though I am destined to go to hell; as though no matter how hard I try to walk the straight and narrow, I, like Judas Iscariot am destined to be the daughter of perdition so that some prophecy can come to pass in someone else’s life.<br />
Why do you throw wrenches in the otherwise smooth progression of my life? It’s almost as though you derive some sick pleasure watching me suffer and watching my expectations die and brutal death. You say your plans for me are good but didn’t you also say your thoughts are above mine? Didn’t you say that you don’t think the way I do? So “good” for you can be really “bad” for me and that isn’t fair because I didn’t ask to be born did I? I didn’t ask you to put me on this godforsaken planet and put me through the bullshit I seem to be going through.<br />
I’m beginning to think after Christ you took a break or made another earth somewhere else…a more perfect earth and left us here to rot!<br />
Why do I feel like I have to yell for you to hear me? Like I have to draw blood before you come down and save me? There is a tornado of darkness raging in me and it is growing stronger no matter how hard I try to snuff it out with your word. Are you real? Do you exist? <br />
I’m trying my best here…how about a little help God? Some indication that I’m not serving something that may have died a long time ago? <br />
I’m not a good Christian so I’m going to stop trying to be one. I won’t go out with the married men or sleep around either….I won’t stop my tithes and offerings because I know it helps the church…I won’t cheat or lie on the office register either…But I’ll go clubbing and dance my worries away. I’ll kiss the next man I really like and not worry about hurting you because you don’t seem to think twice about giving me what will cause me so much pain. I’ll hang out with the guys after work and live a little. I’ll do what I want to do without waiting for you because if you really don’t exist then I would have wasted my entire life.<br />
I won’t be so hard on the men who come around anymore because somehow, I don’t think love graces the top of your list of attributes needed for a good marriage. <br />
I’ll dance to usher and Ciara and all the hip pop songs I used to love dancing to before I met you and had to stop…since I met you God, I don’t know if I have died or I have lived, but I don’t want to go on feeling that way so I’ve decided to live my own way and if you think I’m worth showing up for, I’ll be waiting…I hope you think I’m worth it though, because I really don’t want to do all these things. Please show up if you’re real God…Please…<br />
Sincerely<br />
Your single Christian daughter….Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-23752092091252836412011-07-12T05:12:00.000-07:002011-07-12T05:19:32.329-07:00The valley of unanswered prayers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHuRoKKFdyJAuRINsU0IeIG1e6RQv2ykC_CSaH8_0u6qibUEcqyagqsqX4bskXX0SuLgOBrl2Cgj5JpW17VegY61mqibBkVDr-_KFbCxS_L8-zkNvTuvtRjfjPghcDf-qbD-6xy8zOjfBt/s1600/prayer.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear:right; float:right; margin-left:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="106" width="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHuRoKKFdyJAuRINsU0IeIG1e6RQv2ykC_CSaH8_0u6qibUEcqyagqsqX4bskXX0SuLgOBrl2Cgj5JpW17VegY61mqibBkVDr-_KFbCxS_L8-zkNvTuvtRjfjPghcDf-qbD-6xy8zOjfBt/s400/prayer.bmp" /></a></div>It’s been a while since I wrote anything on my blog and in that long while I’ve made several discoveries and learned things that are constantly stretching me beyond my limit.<br />
One thing I’m finding out is that getting to know God is hardly a task for the lily livered person. If you have been so knocked down by life and you feel running into the snug arms of God will put an end to all your troubles, you’re dead wrong and right at the same time too!<br />
Yes, God will shield you from the storms that sent you running to him and after you have drawn strength and wisdom from him, he will send you back out into it to still it, simply because he knows you can do it.<br />
That‘s another thing I’m learning about God, he’s multi faceted, in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine. There are so many sides and mysteries to him that each day is a foray into depths of discoveries that can turn the way you think around in an instant.<br />
Right now, I’m learning that God isn’t always quick to jump when I snap my finger which is what most believers tend to do when they find themselves in hot water.<br />
When I got born again at first, answers to my prayers seemed to be miraculously delivered to my door step at almost DHL speed. It was fun in those days praying for five or ten minutes and then seeing the answer almost immediately. It made me confident in praying and built my confidence in God which I what I think he wanted to do in me by the way.<br />
Eventually however, the more I grew in my walk with God, the more I had to wait for certain answers. While some still came almost instantly, most of the answers I craved for seemed to have developed a cold and were keeping away with frustrating precision and a blatant disregard for my time.<br />
I’m at that point where almost all my prayers now seem to go unheeded. <br />
The first time I didn’t get answers to my prayers, the first thought that came to my mind was ‘what sin had I committed now? <br />
It’s kind of an automatic response I carried around with me from my worldly days. I had a guilt complex then and blamed myself for nearly everything that went wrong in my life and the lives of people I was close to. Now I know better.<br />
While sin does keep us from getting our prayers answered, it isn’t the only hindrance. Besides, as a growing Christian, I have learned to make repentance as constant a habit as breathing. The blood of Jesus is there for a reason and that is to cleanse us from all unrighteousness and make sure that our link to God is stronger than ever.<br />
These days, making sure that I have genuinely repented of all my sins gives me confidence to stand before God in faith for that prayer whose answer seems to be a long time coming. <br />
Another reason why our prayers can go unanswered is our attitude. Praying for a new job when we come in for work at ten in the morning isn’t exactly going to make God wheel in a new one that fast. Sometimes, there are certain negative things we learn about ourselves in the place of unanswered prayer that with careful self examination under the light of God’s word and through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we can turn to strengths.<br />
As a budding Christian, I used to throw tantrums when I didn’t get my prayers answered. I would deliberately turn my back on God and go watch some movie I knew he didn’t approve of or keep malice with him (imagine that!). I’m sure God is constantly amused by my little dramatic flairs of pouting when I put them up, but did that get me the answers? You can bet it didn’t!<br />
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So after several failed pouting sessions, I realized I can’t get God to jump the way some parents jump when their kids start sulking or throwing tantrums. God isn’t some insecure parent who needs to buy my love or affection with sweet treats or that new toy he can’t afford. God, I’ve discovered, cares more about my character than my comfort. The ultimate goal of his relationship with us is to make us more and more like him; godly, holy, loving, compassionate, forgiving….<br />
God isn’t impressed when I stamp my foot in the ground and huff and puff. In fact, in those moments I can almost hear him say, ‘when you’re done fooling around, you know where I’ll be.’<br />
Inevitably I always have to come back and apologize, then take his hand to continue the journey on the straight and narrow.<br />
Getting answers to our prayers is all good but what good does it do when it doesn’t change who we are?<br />
What good is that answered prayer when it doesn’t give God the glory?<br />
What good are the answered prayers when it can’t make people around you know God as their father too?<br />
I think Christians have gotten o the point where they see God as a gambling machine: you put in quarter and if you play real hard, you may hit a jackpot.<br />
There are no chances with God only plans and the bible says that his plans and his purpose are forever.<br />
Right now, I’m working for a company that hasn’t paid salaries for quite a while, but God has been faithful. I haven’t starved to death and I still manage to look pretty good!<br />
I’m praying for a new job for over a year and I’m backing it with some action.<br />
The rent on my home is way overdue and the agent has given me a deadline that I can’t physically meet but I’ve been trusting God and I’m still trusting him to take care of it.<br />
I’d like to quit my job and I’ve been praying they I’ll get paid outstanding salaries so I can get by while I throw myself into the grind.<br />
I want to get married to the man of my dreams but my father won’t have any of it so I’ve been praying about that for some time as well.<br />
I’ve got a table filled with petitions and prayers and no answer so far has made it back to me.<br />
I’m sharing this with you all because I’ve observed that the times are really trying now especially for most believers. This is a period of refining and separation; holding on to God’s word even when it looks like it’s not worth a lick of salt is what will help you sail through to the other side.<br />
The word of God says that we are garrisoned by God’s power through our faith in him (1st Peter 1:5)<br />
Without our faith in God we have nothing, absolutely nothing. We can trust in man for a while but I’m sure we all have bitter recounts of how our faith in the arm of flesh has let us down when we need it the most. No matter how hard it may seem to trust God right now because of what you’re going through, you have to understand that he is the only way. <br />
As you walk through this dark trying time, get through it by asking God what he wants you to learn while you wait for his plan to come to the light.<br />
Personally I know that this string of unanswered prayers is God’s way of teaching me patience while he works things out according to his will and for his glory. I am sure that I will receive amazing answers when they finally come and you will be the first I share it with. You can rest assured as the Holy Spirit is assuring me, that all things work together for good unto those who love God and are called according to his purpose.Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-45505700623309468922010-09-28T08:22:00.000-07:002010-09-28T08:22:20.223-07:00When life happens firstHas it ever occurred to you that you let life happen before you let God happen? I woke up one morning with that realization nagging at the back of mind and I suddenly discovered the reason why I had been going through a seemingly boomerang Christian walk for some time. There were highs and lows that I thought I should have gone beyond.<br />
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I still felt like a child learning how to walk and it was beyond frustrating because I knew I should have been running by now, my feet pounding through the hallways and hands raised in childish delight. But that wasn’t the case; I found myself flat down on my face too many times to count and at a point I threw up my hands and said to myself ‘well maybe I’m not cut out to be a Christian!<br />
It didn’t help that some of my close friends seemed to have no problems with their walk with God. They seemed to be having a ball. There I was, immersed in fears and doubts and worries…there I was, wondering if God heard me when I prayed…there I was wondering if I was one of the chosen ones…there I was…letting life happen to me first…<br />
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The Christian that lets life happen first is the one who wakes up in the morning and jumps to his feet without as much as a ‘’good morning’’ directed in God’s way. The Christian who lets life happen first is the one who is more concerned about getting to work on time then he is about asking God to direct the course of his day. <br />
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The Christian who lets life happen first is the one who remembers to pray only when problems are staring him in the face and all the educational knowledge and technical know-how he has doesn’t seem to cut it. The Christian who lets life happen first is the one who barely has the time to study the word and who has to dust off a fine film of dust from his bible every Sunday.<br />
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Sounds familiar? That’s probably because I just described you and me! I became a Christian and still did things the way I used to and expected awesome results! Who was it that said when you do the same things over and over again and expect a different result, that’s insanity? I forget, but the point is the moment you become a Christian, things don’t automatically line up! <br />
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Problems don’t instantly faint and die because your spirit man just got renewed! No way! You have a whole lifestyle of self centeredness to deal with and only getting into the word of God can help you overcome that.<br />
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That’s why Paul was quick to say ‘be not conformed to the image of the world but be transformed through the renewal of your mind’ (Romans 12:2)<br />
With God, the game is different and so are the rules. As a growing Christian, God should happen first in your life and in order for that to happen; you have to pay attention to the word of God and prayer.<br />
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If you don’t have a buildup of God’s word in you, when trials and other problems come (and trust me, they will!) you won’t be able to handle it one bit. You will be pulled under as easily as a child who doesn’t know how to swim. But when the word is strong in you, you can withstand the tides of life that roar at you. Stay blessed!Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-85643832273066315802010-04-22T03:42:00.000-07:002010-04-22T03:42:49.754-07:00Opportunity costs of life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCS_7Flmn5YS6aoddXRxxhZmzVdj3X4959TaYTUUdqnUwcsFg83RtggHSr86w30NX_O-2kF5RnnOGNryM0EGFjkMvewuH2SSDY6O95tH7CeWTlyqWUfBm5hBZ3X_ToSn3-3AFxc8KgE-5H/s1600/71%2520Species%2520Confusion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCS_7Flmn5YS6aoddXRxxhZmzVdj3X4959TaYTUUdqnUwcsFg83RtggHSr86w30NX_O-2kF5RnnOGNryM0EGFjkMvewuH2SSDY6O95tH7CeWTlyqWUfBm5hBZ3X_ToSn3-3AFxc8KgE-5H/s320/71%2520Species%2520Confusion.jpg" wt="true" /></a></div>Often times as humans beings, we underestimate the depth and breadth of the human wonder called the mind. My mind travelled down a dark maze last week and strayed from snaking path to snaking path until it nearly drove me mad. I ran from one end of the maze to the other and screamed until my voice got hoarse; but no one heard me; no one heard me because all the while that I was screaming in that maze, there was a huge smile plastered on my face. I laughed at the same jokes, cracked the same jokes and did the same things I did each day I got to work in the morning. I suddenly realized that I had become a creature of habit and I didn’t like it one bit.<br />
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This dark time in my life made me realize that there are countless of people lost in their own personal mazes, trapped in their own nightmare; their emotions twisted and their feeling frozen in a sheet of ice; but no one hears them thudding beneath the surface because they have mastered the art the enemy has gotten us to master in a very unconscious way. The art of projecting a facade<br />
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The world around us is becoming one mass of swarming humanity moving in the direction of desperate self satisfaction and lofty goals of attainment and wealth. Some people may call it a progressive society; I call it a self centred one<br />
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In the pursuit of our dreams, we have taken our gaze off the intricacies of the process involved in the true attainment of these goals and have placed too much emphasis on the end process itself.<br />
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I got into a nearly violent argument with a good friend of mine when he told me he had been responsible for getting some married men hooked up to some of his clique of girlfriends who were simply looking for a good time and a wad of cash to spend.<br />
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These men are married I pointed out to him. Why oblige them? His response? The married men simply want to have a good time themselves and are ready to spend the money to get it. My friend says that there are some things that you have to do if you want to get where you are going. Apparently, these married wealthy men are prominent men in positions of power and it pays to be able to maintain more than a nodding relationship with them.<br />
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If you have to lose yourself in the pursuit of your dreams, then you are going about it the wrong way. There are many of us losing a piece of ourselves to our so called goals and dreams. We don’t get to see our kids take their first step, we don’t get to know what they like or dislike, and we don’t get to make out time to make our marriages thrive. We don’t get the time to check up on old pals, we don’t get the time to give our time and our resources to hurting and needy people around us...we don’t have the time for God.<br />
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The sad thing is that most of us are barely happy doing the things we do but we do them because we feel that we need them to define who we are and what we are supposed to be in life; but the fact of the matter is that we can only know these things when we slow down long enough for God to tell us. He created us so he is the one who knows who we are and what we were created to do.<br />
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‘Call upon me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know of (Jeremiah 33:3)<br />
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But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things will be added on to you; fear not little flock, for it is your father’s pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:31&32)<br />
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Like all things in life, we have a purpose and that can only be found in seeking out God and his ways. God is faithful; the more you seek him, the more you walk in the things that he has prepared for you.<br />
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The greatest form of deception is self deception. You can deceive everyone around you but the minute you deceive yourself, you lose a great piece of yourself. If you are feeling stirrings of dissatisfaction with the false nature of your life and you desire more than the rigorous routine of living, take a step by spending more time with God. He made you, he knows your path and that simply means he will show you how to live a life full of meaning and purpose.Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-46389015407666088302010-02-16T04:29:00.000-08:002010-02-16T04:29:30.226-08:00Whose side are you on?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDGCn2XcfIAnP_3PXs-1gmadDJMZGP14h6z0UK8isAAOx1zzNdscVSV2SL3oZtC-ahFMvfai-9nhY38eRUCI2Noh9RGUwdBAzUGNelwjr2FtbaTQhxrevlO3Xve8Ku6XhlrvKf74P9o5WL/s1600-h/b63faa14361f03ca8f8cae102a59e60c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ct="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDGCn2XcfIAnP_3PXs-1gmadDJMZGP14h6z0UK8isAAOx1zzNdscVSV2SL3oZtC-ahFMvfai-9nhY38eRUCI2Noh9RGUwdBAzUGNelwjr2FtbaTQhxrevlO3Xve8Ku6XhlrvKf74P9o5WL/s320/b63faa14361f03ca8f8cae102a59e60c.jpg" width="298" /></a></div><br />
I don’t think it’s easy to serve God. Some people make it sound like once you start walking with him, everything falls into place. They forget to mention that for things in your life to fall into place, some things have gotta give and others have to be moved around a bit. So it’s not surprising that once you have turned your life over to God, all hell seems to break loose...literally. <br />
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You’re no longer comfortable with the things you used to do before. Your thought pattern is challenged in most painful ways, and then, you’re expected to act in a way that seems to tear the very flesh away from your bones. For me, it’s been one hell hole after another but I can confidently tell you that while I feel pain so intense that I have to hit my head on the wall to stop from committing murder, I won’t have it any other way. At the end of the day when all is said and done, I would rather be on God’s side than to be against him. <br />
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Have you taken a good look at the enemy’s curriculum vitae lately? It’s amazing!! He has managed to increase crimes like rape and murder to numbers that practically shoot through the roof not to mention the fact that he has successfully brainwashed generation after generation of people into believing that they are masters of their own destiny. Don’t get me wrong, they are masters of their own destiny...co masters that is but don’t think for one minute that the devil is going to let you know that!<br />
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There are quite a number of things that he has done but my point is, when you look at God’s curriculum vitae in comparison, being on his side is the wiser choice. So, why aren’t people on his side more you would ask? <br />
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I would like to think it’s because they are terrified of the notion of handing over their lives to an unseen entity. For many of them, it connotes a powerlessness that they are not willing to concede to and I can totally relate to that. I used to be scared that the instant I gave my life over to him, he’d have me married off to some man I didn’t want because it would be his will or he would make me do something I didn’t want to do...I still have those fears from time to time but the more I get to know him, the more I know that I can trust his choices for my life. And besides, do we honestly think that we know what we want more than the one who created us? That’s like saying a Toyota car suddenly saying ‘I don’t think I was made for driving; I was made for flying’!<br />
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What I’m trying to say in essence is that serving God comes with a lot of pain and sacrifices. I’ve made a few sacrifices and gone through pain and I know I haven’t seen the last of both. Jesus sure didn’t promise it would be easy, after all he did say if you want to follow him, take up your cross. But I rest assured on the knowledge that as long as I am treading the path God has out me on, I will have the peace and strength I need to carry on. The world’s a battleground folks and that is the truth...Question is, whose side are you on?Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-26127848259983184642010-01-13T08:02:00.000-08:002010-01-13T08:02:03.224-08:00Pulled back from the edge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZRt8LwbHxy336IORmIQ_mbU7K2rl-EygwX1ncazsY_20PFa6LxRa78oLVxFn_PGAlUiH4BZKQ9QHEuX6MeFgKH_whWcHzUlGq3USVNcLzLav7m1ftE5jqx49mUuhabD8EzMhu1tH5TycE/s1600-h/5502634d-0cd1-4ca2-bc1a-7147ad5331ba.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZRt8LwbHxy336IORmIQ_mbU7K2rl-EygwX1ncazsY_20PFa6LxRa78oLVxFn_PGAlUiH4BZKQ9QHEuX6MeFgKH_whWcHzUlGq3USVNcLzLav7m1ftE5jqx49mUuhabD8EzMhu1tH5TycE/s640/5502634d-0cd1-4ca2-bc1a-7147ad5331ba.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>I’d been smoking pot and having wild sex for the past ten years without an iota of remorse and it was all fine by me until I ran smack into T-boy. Now, he wasn’t what you would call good looking but he had that appeal that made you want to get close enough to find out what was on his mind all the time. He had that gentleness that made you want to prove that he was nothing but a fraud. He had that patience that made you want to test it until the monster you were so sure was inside him came out raging and looking for blood.<br />
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He made me want to be good when all I had ever been was bad and that infuriated me. I pushed him away from me with a violence that was nearly as breathtaking as it was brutal. But he kept on coming right back. I had my male friends give him a beating that put him in a hospital. I had my female friends throw themselves over him in a shameless display of wanton lust...I screamed at him in public and slapped him more times than I care to remember...but he didn’t budge. He kept coming back, brown eyes filled with a love and understanding that made me want to run out of my own skin. ‘I believe in you and I can’t give up on you because God hasn’t given up on you’, he would murmur, even after I once emptied the plate of okra over his head. I believe in you.<br />
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When I couldn’t take it anymore I finally asked the one question that had been nagging me all along. The one question I had refused to ask out of sheer stubbornness. Why? Why do you believe in me so much when I hardly believe in myself?<br />
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My father didn’t believe in me, why should you? My mother didn’t believe in me, why should you? Why would a total stranger believe in me when my family thought I was born to be a slut?<br />
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And with the question came the memories I had buried. The pain I had shelved. The rejection I had hidden under the layer of artfully applied make up and a well toned body. Like a broken dam, I stood with everything gushing out of me. And like a sea he took it all in.<br />
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That’s how I got saved. That’s how I discovered who I really was and what I was made for; T-boy didn’t wave a huge bible in my face the way some people did to me sometimes. He didn’t tell me I would burn in hell if I didn’t repent like the choir mistress once told me when I wore my favourite tight miniskirt to church. He didn’t spit at me when I walked past and he didn’t snicker at me when I put my hand up in church to ask a question. I wanted what he had simply because he lived it.<br />
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Too many people spend their time judging people and making them feel worse than they already feel; all that only drives them further away. When you have Christ, you love more and judge less. The world has a lot of hatred and judgement already and they are looking for something different. Love is different and it makes you stand out.<br />
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That’s why Jesus said you are the light of the word. In a world where the hate has cast clouds so dark and thick, love is the only sun that can pierce through the darkness.<br />
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What are you doing today? Loving? Or condemning?Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-21145236846859442402009-12-25T02:19:00.000-08:002009-12-25T02:19:34.638-08:00Ode to a 'forever friend'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2qYRRJJIAacz5-WLmFetkiLd_T1EOVeioBCoPZIwhAhJfDcOA1qmK7x9uRMBPkQqfHHV_Iu08hADa9weA1TQTiTGZi4llEAPa5Z3SVo2qUrrBZJ4EIQud4Ld3Zs8TRKfCpyWovbtEAU8q/s1600-h/JOSH.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2qYRRJJIAacz5-WLmFetkiLd_T1EOVeioBCoPZIwhAhJfDcOA1qmK7x9uRMBPkQqfHHV_Iu08hADa9weA1TQTiTGZi4llEAPa5Z3SVo2qUrrBZJ4EIQud4Ld3Zs8TRKfCpyWovbtEAU8q/s320/JOSH.bmp" width="320" /></a><br />
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</div><span style="font-size: large;">I wanted to stand over your body and command you back to life. I wanted to play Jesus, but my faith was rifled with strife. All I could do was cry...when you lose someone you thought would live forever, a part of you dies and lives again in a way that makes you see life through new eyes...You live on in my heart Hombre...REST IN PEACE.</span><br />
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<em><strong>ETCHED...</strong></em></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>The memory of you sizzles</strong></span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>As pictures of you are burned deep</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Into the matter of my mind.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Clarity is the price I pay</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>For not noticing you were there.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Suddenly I can see you laugh</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>In that careless way of yours;</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>You throw back your head and roar</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Lean forward and clutch your belly with graceful fingers;</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Suddenly, I can see you saunter</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Into a room and hold your own in the banter</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Wit matching wit,</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Wit surpassing wit,</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Gay with youth</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Flushed with the pride of holding your own</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Against the rising tide.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>I kind of assumed you would live forever</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Or at least until my last grandchild</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Tore out the strands of your graying hair.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>You were going to be his godfather</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>But I didn’t even know it till I heard</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>That you had left this world’s fleshy fray.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Now my heart won’t stop aching</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Like a rotting tooth it throbs every minute;</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Now my eyes won’t stop tearing up,</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Like a broken fountain it gushes;</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Now my mind won’t stop playing</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Those precious frames of moments</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Captured and frozen deep inside.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Time capsule released by the hands of death</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>I see you watch me and it makes me cry.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Could I have stopped the hands of time?</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Could I have leapt through space?</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>And held your hand as you floated away?</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>I didn’t get the chance to say</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>You were one of a kind,</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>I didn’t get the chance to say</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>You were one of a kind…</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>IN MEMORY OF JOSHUA OKPAPI...<br />
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<strong></strong></span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-39231898416164127282009-12-02T06:08:00.000-08:002009-12-02T06:08:25.133-08:00It's about me<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuFh9x1XBwJ_H3ZW8s1nsl02D28Em3chHFwaEfrSSnv1zwL3calPsvRQ4KLzyPXOMrDRY1x8_USvVz8zlYggNjfzLaBzEARCy0L2KjID__QAIHUv3VM2YIj5hIO8pmfHLxnZjNLeRXLT5Z/s1600-h/forgiveness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" er="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuFh9x1XBwJ_H3ZW8s1nsl02D28Em3chHFwaEfrSSnv1zwL3calPsvRQ4KLzyPXOMrDRY1x8_USvVz8zlYggNjfzLaBzEARCy0L2KjID__QAIHUv3VM2YIj5hIO8pmfHLxnZjNLeRXLT5Z/s320/forgiveness.jpg" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've been thinking about forgiveness for some time now. More, since I am becoming aware of whom I am in Christ. I used to think I had a forgiving heart when I wasn’t born again. Someone would do something to hurt me and I would just shrug it off and think ‘he didn’t mean it or ‘it’s okay, it doesn’t really matter anyway’.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now that I look back, I realize that I wasn’t forgiving them at all, I was looking for a way to cope with the pain and I inevitably locked all the hurt inside. It was no wonder when I would think the most horrid things each time these people crossed my mind. I would think about mutilation and ways to wreck emotional pain and you can bet I didn’t feel a twinge of remorse about what I was thinking. While some thoughts made me recoil, I didn’t really make even a half hearted attempt to stop them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Lately, God has been bringing to my mind all the people I thought I had forgiven. Now I realize that I truly need to forgive and not make a semblance of forgiveness. That’s because when each person comes to my mind, I remember what they did that hurt me the most so I know they haven’t been forgiven from the depth of my heart. I think the mark of true forgiveness is when you can think of those who have hurt you and remember what they did without the pain and thoughts of vengeance that usually follow. I learned something new today from the website www.myjourneywithgod.com</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Forgiveness is about me and not the person who hurt me. When I forgive someone, I’m letting myself be shaped by the perceptions of God and not the perceptions of man. When I forgive those who hurt me, I free myself to live a victorious life in Christ. When I forgive, I heal...not those who hurt me...I am the one who heals.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One thing I am learning about God is that he deals with each party involved. God is a just God, but he doesn’t make you feel better at the expense of the other person. You can be rest assured that the person you are struggling to forgive isn’t going to escape the all revealing light of God's prodding. We will all stand in judgement before God but the question is will you be able to stand without the black cloud of unforgiveness hanging over you? Remember, before God, you alone are responsible for your actions; you can’t blame them on your mother or your father or your friends. That’s why you need to forgive, so that when you stand before the king you can get the well done good and faithful servant commendation. That’s what I want...so, I forgive.</span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-53424902318279383362009-11-30T03:54:00.000-08:002009-11-30T03:54:48.975-08:00I DON'T...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF3MqsLmCMCp_jGwW7q-jhnuc8_k3RmSXUedL7phUWmeCXLVrOR7c61Ia_1OxUeT-v0KINhJr7f0mWe89QSuqWUK1cPPLuGz_JVTLhlqZ_yi0PF4-05WS0BNZbQP-1x1n1D01IcZAG3pE8/s1600/Man_placing_wedding_e37c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF3MqsLmCMCp_jGwW7q-jhnuc8_k3RmSXUedL7phUWmeCXLVrOR7c61Ia_1OxUeT-v0KINhJr7f0mWe89QSuqWUK1cPPLuGz_JVTLhlqZ_yi0PF4-05WS0BNZbQP-1x1n1D01IcZAG3pE8/s640/Man_placing_wedding_e37c.jpg" yr="true" /></a><br />
</div><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>I was only eight years old when I told my mother I didn’t want to get married. Her reaction is quite hard to forget considering the fact that I still have a scar to remind me. She calmly went outside, plucked a whip from the tree in front of our home and gave me the swiping of my life. (Just kidding)</strong></span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">What she really did was burst into tears.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Needless to say, I never said that to her again. Fast forward nineteen years and a five year relationship later and my views about marriage are still pretty much the same. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to marry Joe...He is like the sweetest man I have ever known and besides, he’s the only man who even made me reconsider my vows to stay single for life; If I ever do get married, it would be to him.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">That doesn’t mean that if this five year relationship doesn’t end up in marriage I would go on a frantic man hunt to still the wagging tongues of fellow colleagues or to smoothen out the disapproving glances my relatives throw at me during family gatherings.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Lots of my friends are getting married and while many of them seem to know exactly what they are doing, a good number of them seem not to...so, I’ve been asking myself the question would I feel incomplete or unfulfilled if I NEVER got married?</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I mean, think about it. Women start work after school and the next thing they start thinking about is getting married. Guy has a steady job and a nice pad and one day looks around after a meal of bread and garri and goes ’I think it’s time I got married. While marriage is a stage of life, is it THE stage of life? If it was I think the divorce rates would have been a tad lower than the fifty percent divorce rate we have now. Don’t you?</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I was browsing through the romance section of nairaland.com when I came across the topic, AFRAID OF BEING THIRTY AND UNMARRIED.The first thing I thought to myself was ’you have got to be kidding me! Sure we live in a society that makes you feel being unmarried at a certain age is akin to having AIDS but come on! </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Really what’s wrong with being thirty and unmarried if God hasn’t led you to the man that compliments you? What do you do in the meantime? Pine away? Scare men off with your looks of desperation? Lose your morals? With so many people rushing into marriage and then diving out of it, you would kind of expect that people take their time to walk down the aisle matter how long that takes!</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Even before I became aware that Jesus had paid the price for me and I was his, I had always been passionate about the issue of marriage because I had seen firsthand the pain and despair that two people unwilling to walk with God in their marriage could unleash on themselves and their kids. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I’m single and in all honesty, I’m having the time of my life! More so since I found God. Before you think of getting married, you need to ask yourself if you are truly single enough to get married.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Being single enough simply means that you have attained a level in your life where you know you will be an asset and not a liability to the one you will marry. It’s not about having more money or having all the houses in the world. It’s not about being tired of being lonely. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">It’s about being secure in yourself and in your identity in God and not looking for someone to ‘’complete you” because the truth of the matter is that no one can. It’s selfish of you to think that the man or the woman you marry will make you feel whole when she or he is less than whole. Being truly single is being able to take care of yourself and things around you. The first time I paid rent on my little apartment, you could have hurled a tornado at me and I would have still been as tall as a tree! I was so proud of me and thankful that God had given me the opportunity to experience that phase in my life.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Don’t get me wrong. I would have loved to have a man pick up that tab but he wasn’t on the scene so to speak. What was a girl supposed to do? Sleep around for the money? Bag a sugar daddy because girls are so helpless and need a big strong man? Get my drift? </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">If you’re getting married make sure it’s for the right reasons.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t want to get married because my biological clock seems to be running on a new brand of batteries called ‘speed’.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t want to get married because my childhood friend just got hitched.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t want to get married because I feel alone and need someone to warm my collapsible couch.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t want to get married because I’m tired of paying the bills on my own.</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t want to get married because I’m afraid of what people are going to say about me when I’m thirty and still unmarried...</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">I simply want to get married because God says it’s time to...after all, he is the one who makes all things beautiful in their time and that includes marriage.</span></strong>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-58664699565811604372009-11-23T02:44:00.000-08:002009-11-23T02:44:59.272-08:00The limit of authority?<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hello all! Im featuring someone on my blog today who has over time come to be a very dear person to me.Her life challenges me to stay focused on God and she is the one person i can go to when i have questions about my faith i need to be answered.ladies and gents,Temitope Reffel...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This morning I found myself thinking, ‘could this possibly be all that the Father wants for us as Christians?’</span><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That we wake up in the morning, have our quiet time, say our prayers, fellowship with him, sing worship songs, enjoy His presence and be baptized in His love yet never make meaningful impact in the world; never make manifest his great power that is in our lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Are we just supposed to contribute our little quota in terms of giving to the needy, praying for friends and family in need of our prayers, fasting and asking that we know more of him and be more like Him and that He does his work of transformation in us? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Really, is that all there is to our spirituality? What about all the power the God’s word tells us has been given to us? Aren’t we supposed to be healing the sick, casting out devil and raising the dead? I mean if Christianity is just about making money, being prosperous and being generous, then we’re not much different from the philanthropists we have in the world. What makes us different from the world? Shouldn’t it be the Spirit of Power that we carry on the inside? The Holy Spirit through whom these signs are performed? Is it not by these signs the world shall know that we are not ordinary and that our God truly is a God of power?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I usually don’t go musing without good reason. I saw a mad man on my way to work this morning. Trust me; in this part of the country where I live, they seem to be in abundance (I don’t know why). A thought suddenly occurred to me; what if this mad man made an attempt to attack me? (I’ve heard that they tend to do that during the Harmmattan season;it’s the equivalent of the autumn season in Europe by the way), what would I do? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Would I take to my heels and run or would I be bold enough to wait as he comes charging at me and cast the devil out of him? That’s what Jesus would do. That is what he did with the mad men he met during his lifetime. He delivered them from demonic possession. Jesus assured us that we would do greater things than he did if we just be believe.(mark 16:17)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> So what gives? Why would a child of God, a representative of Christ think first of running away from a mad man instead of casting the devil out of Him? Could the reason be that we do not dwell enough on this aspect of our authority as Christians?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This should be food for thought for any Christ follower seeking to have more than a peripheral relationship with God. Remain blessed! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-62914705724446496662009-11-11T16:12:00.000-08:002009-11-11T16:12:51.164-08:00Extreme Opposites<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaA8JSJ3c33BvY8TIYS8uaCmp03g7yyjsnIwhwCiLnvIQLpmtJTl3qu8ALUGjN1urUXt__hg3sAJGyd-gS2RB5KJfbpMV1MZFMDCqBR7qsjcFErzRRJAq2ANHevo9TQjH6YAHEEF31ct-I/s1600-h/clouds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" sr="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaA8JSJ3c33BvY8TIYS8uaCmp03g7yyjsnIwhwCiLnvIQLpmtJTl3qu8ALUGjN1urUXt__hg3sAJGyd-gS2RB5KJfbpMV1MZFMDCqBR7qsjcFErzRRJAq2ANHevo9TQjH6YAHEEF31ct-I/s640/clouds.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><span style="font-size: large;">In the third season of the series heroes, a new villain is added to the plot and he has a very interesting super power so to speak. He is ordinary until he smells fear. The scent of fear makes him develop super human strength and turns him into a deadly killing machine. I bet if he had a motto, it would run something like this; No fear, no power...more fear...more power!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Fear most definitely empowers but you have to ask yourself, who is it empowering? You? If it were you, don’t you think you would feel a whole lot better than you do with all the excess baggage of fears you carry around with you?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What are you most afraid of? Think about it...we all have fears. It may be that tiny nagging fear that you may not have enough money to eat dinner the next day or it could the all consuming fear of tomorrow. Whatever it is, fear is something that we all have to deal with...not live with.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The minute you start believing your fears, it becomes a reality. Why? Because you empower it to exist by believing in it. In the book of Job 3:25, Job laments, ‘For the thing I fear comes upon me and what I dread befalls me’</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I used to be afraid that nothing good in my life would last. No good things last...that was my motto and believe me, they didn’t. I’d have a perfectly splendid day and something horrible would happen and send me into a spiral of depression. I used to be afraid that I would never be good enough for anyone and acted cold and distant towards the people I really cared about because I was afraid if they came too close they would see that horrible person I was. Consequently, my coolness rebuffed them and did make them see that I wasn’t what they needed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s a simple equation really. When we fear something, we act out of that fear and get a reaction. Built up over time, it becomes a walking reality.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I still have some fears but I have learned that when faith is stronger, fear becomes a distant memory. Faith is the extreme opposite of fear. Where faith is, fear is rendered powerless. As a believer we are not exempted from fears but we are empowered to handle them through faith. My role model always says ‘when fear comes knocking on your door, send faith to answer it’. You can be rest assured that you won’t find it on your doorstep when you do that often enough!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, you may be thinking, ‘how do I build that faith? Let me ask you a question. If you could vouch for someone, who would it be? Your mom? Your best friend? Whoever it is, you and I both know that you can only vouch for that person because you know them well. You don’t go vouching for someone you met only last night, do you?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The same principle applies. When you spend time with the one who has the answers of tomorrow in his hands, you get to know him well enough to stare the fear of tomorrow in the face and say, ‘I may not know tomorrow but I know the one who holds all tomorrows’.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When you familiarize yourself enough with the giving nature of God, you can stare the fear of lack dead in the eyes and say, ‘The lord is my shepherd, I shall not lack! When God becomes more than an eye in the sky for you because of the time you spend with him through his word, you can stand at the door and say to that fear; ‘all things are working together for my good! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The more you know God, the less fears you have. So the next time you have fears that cut off your air circulation and increase your heart rate to an all time high, remember; faith empowers God to move on your case and fear empowers the enemy to crush you...who are you empowering?</span><br />
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</span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-3712830573648082032009-11-10T01:33:00.000-08:002009-11-10T03:09:11.454-08:00The love test....<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkRmOWVa7Pp3dCRFX8FAlf2Em8cP0iheCKcB29XoEkwRT3JDU5u9Mvda4Mw-U2V_4wIN0VDPNiYPgAFk4a1E3X7SDjWPkXRShiQan-SOqGqbW17lsiZDvAdTN4pzG5FotbrIYfyyFOanD/s1600-h/875b7b56-4945-4c9d-b7ca-d2fd09b147d2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" sr="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkRmOWVa7Pp3dCRFX8FAlf2Em8cP0iheCKcB29XoEkwRT3JDU5u9Mvda4Mw-U2V_4wIN0VDPNiYPgAFk4a1E3X7SDjWPkXRShiQan-SOqGqbW17lsiZDvAdTN4pzG5FotbrIYfyyFOanD/s320/875b7b56-4945-4c9d-b7ca-d2fd09b147d2.jpg" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">‘I love you’...and there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the three most magical words in the world. Now don’t tell me you don’t think they are magical. Even the toughest of sceptics will feel the need to clear his throat after watching Richard Gere ride up in the white limousine to sweep Julia Roberts off her feet with his sincere declaration of love. Even the most hardened of hearts would be melted by the flame of nostalgia when it sees love in action...simply put, love was meant to break walls and soften hard hearts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s quite easy to say those words however but do you actually mean them? Or are you just saying them as a means to an end? Granted, some women say it to get the bucks and some men say it to get the booty but the fact that many people say it and don’t mean it doesn’t nullify its power of love when it is sincere.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As Christians, the greatest challenge we face involves loving other people as much as we love ourselves. But Jesus also knew that it would be the greatest liberating factor of our lives...that’s why he summed up all the Ten Commandments as ‘love the lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbour as you love yourself’. Where there is love, negative emotions like hatred, envy, jealousy, anger and the rest have no room to operate.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When a man loves a woman and vice versa, it’s not in the words so much as it’s in the actions. You can’t love with your lips and not love with your heart; that won’t work. Your heart and your mouth have to be in agreement, like everything else in our walk with God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have been asking God for wisdom in all my relationships but especially the one I have been in the past five years. The last thing I or any sane person for that matter would want to do is to get married to the wrong person. In his mercy, God led me to a cell meeting that usually takes place in the area I live and the topic that was discussed was the love test.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">How often do we test what we feel for the one we love? How often do we stop to ask ourselves whether our motives are pure or not? How often do we ask ourselves where we are going with the relationships we are in? I’m asking all those who aren’t married yet because the fact about the matter is that the one you choose to tie the knot with can either break you or make you. In world where divorce is becoming something of a word belt title, it is important that we examine our relationships and the motives that drive them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The love test is a series of questions that make you examine your relationship, your motives and your partner in general. It answered some questions for men and I’m hoping it makes you take a closer look at the nature of your love for your partner. You can do it together if you like and compare answers together; believe me it will give you a lot to talk about!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For the ladies</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> What is the character you find most admirable in your partner?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If the one thing you admired in your partner was taken away, would you still feel the same about him?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If your partner had no money would you still be with him?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> On a scale of one to ten, how honest are you with your partner?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Would you willingly submit to your partner at all times?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If your partner tells you he has cheated on you once in the course of your relationship and is truly repentant about it, would you forgive him and take him back?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> On a scale of one to ten, how honest are you with your partner? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If the situation called for it, would you be the bread winner of the home without nagging or making your man feel like less of a man?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> How often do you encourage your partner on scale of one to ten?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> How often do you blame him on a scale of one to ten?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">For the gents</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Name one physical feature you love the most about your woman</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If that physical feature was no longer there, would the love you feel for her be affected in any way?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Why do you love her?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Would you be willing to play the second fiddle in the relationship if the need for doing so arose?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If she cheated on you and was truly repentant, would you forgive her and take her back?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> State one action that you know will show your woman you love her above yourself</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Have you performed this act before</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> On a scale of one to ten, how honest are you with your woman?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> On a scale of one to ten, how often do you encourage her?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> On a scale of one to ten, how often do you blame her for things that go wrong in the relationship? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Explaining the answer to each question will actually help you examine your motives in greater detail. If you are honest enough with your answers and you’re still together after the exercise, then good for you! If not...then you know where you stand and you can move on, trusting God to give you nothing short of the best. Good luck!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3511592434763353900.post-66648989810544447792009-11-09T15:03:00.000-08:002009-11-10T04:14:36.029-08:00The last man standing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiczyf1QJQph9_4mo9JgtGP8ZYnCsuk9HhJR_icVaRbNE4kQPyfU1eu-yGttfFTml2lyzRKPq8jz1rvQp7CkgO7hIVMjKq7l4RmQcaSMZP0NAS2dmMrbbnhZXZNc96NKK5lYyZwLUFJ42J1/s1600-h/THE+LAST+MAN+STANDING.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" sr="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiczyf1QJQph9_4mo9JgtGP8ZYnCsuk9HhJR_icVaRbNE4kQPyfU1eu-yGttfFTml2lyzRKPq8jz1rvQp7CkgO7hIVMjKq7l4RmQcaSMZP0NAS2dmMrbbnhZXZNc96NKK5lYyZwLUFJ42J1/s400/THE+LAST+MAN+STANDING.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><span style="font-size: large;">Every woman dreams of prince charming. He's supposed to be the tall, dark, handsome man who swoops down in a show of breathtaking courage and rescues you from your tragic situation. The villain in my case was my dad. Six foot plus and sterner than most dads I knew in the area. He had screaming fits over the smallest things and his tongue would have done Hitler proud. It had the potential to erode anyone's self esteem in three seconds flat!! I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough and I thought getting married to prince charming would be the best way to escape.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There I was, young and full of naive dreams of a man whisking me away from my father and giving me the life I had always wanted. A life with quiet strolls through the beaches of the Bahamas and of massages and gentle foot rubbing....it’s funny, but now when I think about all that prince charming was going to do for me had we gotten together, I realize, I never once envisioned what I would do for him in return; Which goes to show how self centred even the prince charming dream is despite the seemingly ‘good’ ideals embedded in it!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Most women who are married will tell you without batting an eyelid, that the prince charming dream is just that- a dream. The smell of soiled nappies and screaming infants plus a husband who doesn’t pick up after himself can take its toll on the dream and leave a bitter taste in your mouth; The truth about the matter is that NO MAN can rescue you from whatever predicament you may be facing. He may help you see a way out, may even run with you towards the solution, but giving man the responsibility of saving you totally is an unfair thing to do because the poor guy can’t even save himself!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I mean, how do you expect him to hit upon the solution to all you problems when you have hardly unearthed them yourself? Man can’t save anyone...only God can...that's why he is the last prince charming standing. All the other prince charming have been tried and proved to have flaws that will make the dreams of the lady wither away without much ado.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Bible says that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life (john14:6). In him is all the life that you will ever want as a woman. The disappointment many women feel after marriage stems from the emptiness inside you even when your man is prince charming in the flesh. You were created to have a relationship with the one from whom all prince charmings come from. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jesus Christ is unflawed and therefore can love you more than you ever imagined. That’s why when all is said and done he will still be the last prince charming standing...</span>Estrellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02128344786466741954noreply@blogger.com2