Friday, December 25, 2009

Ode to a 'forever friend'

I wanted to stand over your body and command you back to life. I wanted to play Jesus, but my faith was rifled with strife. All I could do was cry...when you lose someone you thought would live forever, a part of you dies and lives again in a way that makes you see life through new eyes...You live on in my heart Hombre...REST IN PEACE.


The memory of you sizzles

As pictures of you are burned deep

Into the matter of my mind.

Clarity is the price I pay

For not noticing you were there.

Suddenly I can see you laugh

In that careless way of yours;

You throw back your head and roar

Lean forward and clutch your belly with graceful fingers;

Suddenly, I can see you saunter

Into a room and hold your own in the banter

Wit matching wit,

Wit surpassing wit,

Gay with youth

Flushed with the pride of holding your own

Against the rising tide.

I kind of assumed you would live forever

Or at least until my last grandchild

Tore out the strands of your graying hair.

You were going to be his godfather

But I didn’t even know it till I heard

That you had left this world’s fleshy fray.

Now my heart won’t stop aching

Like a rotting tooth it throbs every minute;

Now my eyes won’t stop tearing up,

Like a broken fountain it gushes;

Now my mind won’t stop playing

Those precious frames of moments

Captured and frozen deep inside.

Time capsule released by the hands of death

I see you watch me and it makes me cry.

Could I have stopped the hands of time?

Could I have leapt through space?

And held your hand as you floated away?

I didn’t get the chance to say

You were one of a kind,

I didn’t get the chance to say

You were one of a kind…


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's about me

I've been thinking about forgiveness for some time now. More, since I am becoming aware of whom I am in Christ. I used to think I had a forgiving heart when I wasn’t born again. Someone would do something to hurt me and I would just shrug it off and think ‘he didn’t mean it or ‘it’s okay, it doesn’t really matter anyway’.

Now that I look back, I realize that I wasn’t forgiving them at all, I was looking for a way to cope with the pain and I inevitably locked all the hurt inside. It was no wonder when I would think the most horrid things each time these people crossed my mind. I would think about mutilation and ways to wreck emotional pain and you can bet I didn’t feel a twinge of remorse about what I was thinking. While some thoughts made me recoil, I didn’t really make even a half hearted attempt to stop them.

Lately, God has been bringing to my mind all the people I thought I had forgiven. Now I realize that I truly need to forgive and not make a semblance of forgiveness. That’s because when each person comes to my mind, I remember what they did that hurt me the most so I know they haven’t been forgiven from the depth of my heart. I think the mark of true forgiveness is when you can think of those who have hurt you and remember what they did without the pain and thoughts of vengeance that usually follow. I learned something new today from the website

Forgiveness is about me and not the person who hurt me. When I forgive someone, I’m letting myself be shaped by the perceptions of God and not the perceptions of man. When I forgive those who hurt me, I free myself to live a victorious life in Christ. When I forgive, I heal...not those who hurt me...I am the one who heals.

One thing I am learning about God is that he deals with each party involved. God is a just God, but he doesn’t make you feel better at the expense of the other person. You can be rest assured that the person you are struggling to forgive isn’t going to escape the all revealing light of God's prodding. We will all stand in judgement before God but the question is will you be able to stand without the black cloud of unforgiveness hanging over you? Remember, before God, you alone are responsible for your actions; you can’t blame them on your mother or your father or your friends. That’s why you need to forgive, so that when you stand before the king you can get the well done good and faithful servant commendation. That’s what I, I forgive.