Dear "single" Mother

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Dear “single” mother,

I am writing you this letter because I have had the most wonderful revelations of all time.

It is one of those mind-blowing revelations, the type that can never be taken away from you.

I personally felt the nudge to share this revelation with you because it has already begun to change my life and the way I respond to things around me.

You see, a few months ago, I was struggling.

I was on the verge of giving up on life and was even considering going back to a place that had broken me and was the source of one of the most painful times of my life. Sometimes, when life charges at you or the enemy tries to trip you up with issues, the kind that makes you buckle under pressure, the kind that gets your legs shaking and your heart quaking, Egypt can look like paradise. It was in these moments I understood the way the children of Israel must have felt when they saw the army of the pharaoh, charging at them from behind and the crashing red sea in front of them with no chance of escape from both ends. 

But then, that is the beauty about life I think, the beauty about reading such marvellous stories like that. I felt the despair they must have felt, the frantic last-minute mental scramble to recall the good times of Egypt because, to be honest, there was nothing else to compare it to. Nothing better than slavery had been their experience and this brief stint at freedom already looked like it was going to end six feet under a watery grave.

But then, Moses lifted his rod over the sea and, the sea gave way. The sea split into two, creating a clear path through for these people who, moments before had seen their lives ending. 

Dear “single” mother.

How many times have you stood between a raging army from your past and a seemingly insurmountable problem on the path to your future? How many times have felt that despair? The maybes? The doubts? How many times have you asked God if you made the right decision? If he loves you? How many times have you wondered if you were being punished?

I may not know the conditions that led to you being a mother solely responsible for raising your kids. The past that has brought you to this reality does not matter at this point. 

Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

This is what matters.

It matters that you wake up in the morning to crowded thoughts and fears about how you are going to make things work for you and your children.

It matters that you are constantly second-guessing yourself, terrified of the future, wondering what kind of life your kids will have if you slip up or miss it.

It matters that you worry that they will never be whole, that you think that the decisions that brought you to this reality might scar them for the rest of their lives.

It matters that you have panic and anxiety attacks thinking about them asking you the whys, whens, wheres, whats, whos and hows. It matters that you wake up and do life afraid.

Here is the thing though. As much as all that matters, you don’t have to do it afraid.

Let me get back to that wonderful revelation I told you about earlier.

I was recently talking to myself and doing that thing we mothers tend to do, which is worry.

I was worried about paying bills.

Worried about saving enough money for the rent.

Worried about my child and how he would cope with changes that were looming.

Worried about the details of my life until I was nearly immobile with worry.

And at the back of my mind, all my worries came from the mindset that I was a single mother.

I kept thinking, “I am single now, so I must do this like this and that like that”, and on and on it went.

But then, I heard God gently say to me.

“You’re not single, what does that even mean?”

It stopped me in my thinking tracks.

What does it mean when I say that I am a single mother?

I often wonder that we do not look at words that are used by society over time until they become the norm in language. I realized that when I say that I am a single mother, what I am really saying is that I am alone in the journey of raising a child.

But are we really alone? 

I remember God chiding me and saying to me,

“You are not a single mother”. “Don’t ever refer to yourself as single.” 

“You are united with Jesus Christ.”

I had been reading the book of Ephesians before this and this was one truth that leapt off the pages and imprinted itself in my heart; being united with Jesus. 

Ephesians 1:3 and 2:13

“All praise to God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ (NLT)

“You lived in this world, without God and without hope. But now, you have been united with Christ Jesus.” (NLT)

These are the words that changed and are still changing my life! 

God literally told me that he joined me to his son, Jesus his beloved. The bible is rich in metaphors about the marriage of Christ and the church, with the church often being referred to as his bride.

Dear mother, you aren’t single because you are not alone. You are the bride of Christ.

Think about it; the heart of many women in this scenario is to be joined with someone who sees them for who they are, who values, cherishes, treasures and loves them to the point of laying down their lives for them. We often forget that we existed in the spiritual realm before we came to this earth in our human suit.

The point I am making is, you are joined with deity. 

And unlike other people that you may have been joined to before which left a trail of broken promises and gaping wounds, Jesus is a healer, he is a keeper of promises and a restorer of unfulfilled dreams and purposes.

You were never meant to be alone and do it alone.

Being joined to Jesus means that you know and accept the gift of salvation he offers. If this is the first time you are hearing about Jesus and what he has done for you or would like to learn more, this message will certainly help.

Dear Mother, going forward, choose the words that you describe over yourself carefully. Choose to speak the words that God speaks about you. Learn what he says about you in his written word to you and sit with those words until you hear him whisper them to you when you sleep and when you wake up. Don’t let what society says, be the limit of your experiences.  Define yourself with God and his words. I promise you that your best life is just beginning. 

After all, what do you have to lose?